thoodleoo:

plato’s apology: adult toddler sentenced to death for being pedantic asshole, asks “why”

the aeneid: man fucks up at every possible opportunity, generally has bad time

the iliad: manchild sulks excessively at slight to honor, hundreds dead as a result

the odyssey: man uses wiles to return home after war, ruins lives of everyone around him

the satyricon: if we could tell you what the hell is going on, we would

medea: loathsome toad abandons wife, ensuing custody battle has body count

herodotus’s histories: the history channel is older than you think it is

commentary on the gallic wars: man speaks in third person about encounters with other cultures and how he mercilessly destroyed them

oedipus the king: man unwittingly sleeps with mother, psychologist centuries later jerks off to the concept