Or they need a girlfriend that doesn’t mind listening and trying to help them work through their shit and defeat their fucking demons without asking them to pour out their soul to a stranger who is only listening because it’s their job. That’s the kind of shit you do for the people you love.
your partner is not your therapist. listening to your partner is one thing, but it is not their responsibility to help you work through your shit. that is on you.
one more time.
your partner is not your therapist.
also if I may hop onto this, I REALLY hate when people try to spin “therapists only listen because it’s their job” as a BAD thing. can you imagine if we tried to apply that to literally any other profession?
“why take your phone into the store to get it fixed? they don’t care about you, they’re only doing their job.”
“I don’t want to order a pizza. they’re not making it for me out of the goodness of their hearts, they’re only doing it because it’s their job.”
“why didn’t you just have your girlfriend do that surgery instead of going to a stranger who only saved your life because it’s their job?”
it’s their job because they are better equipped to do it than the other people in your life. jesus christ.
I’m a therapist. But I am not my girlfriend’s therapist.
With my girlfriend, I am free to be as partial, as irrational, as loving, as informal, and as irreverent as she and I like. And when we encounter an area of truly deep turmoil, I say–”I wish you’d talk to a professional about that.”
Because when I see clients as a therapist, the entire relationship is structured for them not to care about my wants or needs as a person, except for some very basic things: Meet a the time arranged, call if you can’t come, pay me, don’t physically assault me, don’t assume we’re friends outside of therapy. That isn’t because I don’t love my clients immensely; it’s like ensuring the sterility of an operating room. It’s a necessary basis for some of the work I do.
The self-contained nature of the therapy relationship gives them an environment that can handle the most radioactive of feelings. Inside my office, they can tell me about their rage and frustration with the people they love, and we can discuss whether that feeling is a rational, proportionate response; whether any good would come from sharing that feeling with the loved one in question; what the best way to strengthen that relationship is. And so a child enjoys life sheltered from the knowledge that their existence might cause their parent bitterness or pain; so a spouse supports my client in their healing from an abusive childhood, without having to talk them down from crisis every time they look a little too much physically like my client’s abusive parent.
I screw up in my friendships and romantic relationships when I am too much of a therapist. When I pursue areas of pain and hurt instead of letting someone feel happy and secure in my presence, when I don’t let anyone see my own needs and feelings and am therefore unreachable, when I respond to my loved ones’ concerns with logical analysis instead of acceptance and sympathy.
My therapy clients do not pay me to care, or to pretend to care. I’m a therapist because I already care. They just pay me so that I can feed and clothe myself while I devote my time to caring about them.
Yup yup yup
the entire relationship is structured for them not to care about my wants or needs as a person
is the exact reason your romantic partner cannot be your therapist and shouldn’t be expected to be one
wish customer service jobs operated w video game standards, so a customer would come up to me and i’d say “greetings traveler! looking to trade?” and they’d only had 4 options for their response
i’d just stand there wiping down the same part of the counter for 8 hours until my shift ended and then id drop everything and walk away and if you tried to interact with me i’d just keep running into you silently until you moved
a personal comic about haircuts and being queer and not realising your body isn’t really yours until you buy a pair of hair clippers That’s my experience anyway
I find it fascinating that people who choose not to have children are generally assumed to feel really strongly about not having children (or even to feel really strongly against children, anyone’s children, in general). I am probably not going to have children, not because I REALLY REALLY HATE the idea of having children, but because I don’t really really love it. Out of all the major decisions I will make in my life, this one is the only irreversible one. I can sell a house, quit a job, divorce a spouse, whatever. I cannot unhave a child. I cannot opt out of being a parent once I become a parent. I can’t even take a step back for the sake of self-care or whatever, or else my child will suffer.
So for me, having children is fuck yes or not at all. The default will be to remain childfree. Having children should be an opt-in decision, not an opt-out one. Until/unless I develop really strong feelings about wanting to have children, I won’t have them, even if that means I never end up having them at all.
reblog this post with a cool animal species lets make a wholesome thread
ok ill give a headstart:
i really like leopard seals
axolotls are p rad
I LOVE THOSE
potoos look like muppets and i ove tem
here’s a quokka it’s like someone decided to splice together a wallaby and a teddy bear they literally always look like a benevolent cartoon
i don’t think you can get more wholesome than that adorable lil seed-eating smiley face. they’re not even like dolphins, cute on the outside and evil on the inside. they’re herbivores about the size of a cat. there is nothing wrong with them.
The Springhaas, or “irl pikachu” as it is sometimes known, is basically a rat shaped like a bunny abruptly caught in the middle of trying to evolve into a kangaroo. This is why they tend to look startled.
This is a dik dik. They are tiny antelopes from southern and eastern Africa–seriously so smol. With teeny hooves and teeny horns and big soulful eyes. And the name is fun to say. It comes from the alarm call that the females make. They live together in monogamous pairs.
Long Eared Jerboa
The adorable mash-up of a hamster, bunny, and kangaroo. Whiskers with no end, ears that put a fennec to shame, and adorability beyond measure!
bringing this back on your dashes
a sichuan takin bull and his daughter
often the color of donald trump’s hair and looking like a cross between a bison and a guinea pig, the takin is actually a bloody big goat-antelope. they have splendid noses, a natural smile, and share their habitat with pandas. which should be good enough for anyone.
This is an okapi. They are related to giraffe, can lick their own eyeballs and kind of always look like you just asked them for a ride to the airport but look at those ears and the little striped legs ~(*^*)~
Chambered nautilus! A living fossil! I also love axolotl though.
A cinnamon bear! Actually a member of the black bear family, they’re one of the more calm species out there. We also have matching hair ❤ Enjoy this one with a heart on its chest!
Capybaras! They’re the largest cavy species,(cavies are animals like guinea pigs) They’re BASICALLY a giant golden retriever in the skin of guinea pig.
They’re just big lumps that float around the sea. They’re non-aggressive, non-territorial herbivores that spend most of their time sleeping or eating, or they might be socializing with other manatees or investigating interesting objects.
Best of all, as of this year they are no longer endangered!!
Maine coons!! So soft and friendly!!!
Look at these babies!!!
Majestic af!!!
Because, why mow the lawn when you have ponies!
Sand Cats! Even the adults look like regular kittens, and the kittens are weapons-grade cute :3
Viscachas look like rabbits with longer tails, but they’re actually related to chinchillas. Also they have a tendency to look like meditating monks when they sunbath.
chinese water deer!
look at them there dorky fangs
A pleasantly round birb I saw at work the other day.
no pangolins? They is ooo cute.
Epaulette sharks are small, cute, and are named for their lovely shoulder decorations! Instead of swimming, they oftentimes use their fins to walk along the ocean floor. I love them.
And another small shark that walks, the cloudy catshark:
Quality snoot!
Western red bats! They’re solitary bats that live in trees and use their tails as blankets. Just look at these cozy fluffballs.
The Sooty Albatross is a personal fave. Look at their friendly lil faces.
Here is the Pudú it’s the smallest deer in the world and lives in Chile and Argentina
This is the Roseate Spoonbill!! Theres a lot of them where I live and they’re really beautiful! Similar to flamingos, thier pink coloring comes from the shrimp they eat 🙂
Stunning!
i saw a few cool birds in this one petting zoo. it’s emu!
they’re australian birds, curvy necks, long bodies, can grow up to 6 feet. here’s a funky lil thing they enjoy doing!
Honduran white bats!!!!
Atlas Moths, one of the largest known moth species! They’re found in the east parts of Asia, and their wings are blended in to look like snake heads to protect itself from predators!
These big units are amazing to keep as pets, soft as well!!!
bearded vultures!!!!
They are huge awesome birds (I swear they’re descended from dragons) and they actually wear makeup!
They basically dye their feathers with red earth, I think. The reddest they can find.
oh and a bonus: this is how big they are compared to people. 😊
Also, they eat bones
The manul (or Pallas cat) is the size of a housecat, only ridiculously floofy and with the face of a grumpy Muppet. Unlike most cats they have round pupils rather than vertical slits. They live in the steppes of central Asia, southern Russia and western China.
A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.
Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?
Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.
Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok
Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts
Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks
A++ addition
Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?
Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great
What happens when you take the greatest choreographer the world has ever seen and put him with the second greatest choreographer the world has ever seen? And then you give them sticks.
You get this fight scene.
I can narrow down a number of favourite weapon fights when it comes to kung fu cinema and this would definitely be in my top five. Maybe even top three. And best of all? It’s not even an old school fight. It’s a fast, modern fight that just so happens to be with old school poles. Lau Kar Leung was 55 years old in this scene. That’s only 9 years younger than Jackie Chan is now. He never got enough credit for doing bananas shit while being an old man. Unbelievable fight. And the crazy thing is that there’s a good two minutes of empty handed fighting before this bit.
Anyone wondering what film it is, it’s Pedicab Driver. Do yourself a favour and pick up the DVD here. It’s the only remastered version of this film out there and while it has terrible subtitles, if more people buy it, Warner might actually dig in their vaults and release the other classics they have stored away.
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