“Just as sailors shared legends of lovely fish-people, spacefarers reported sightings of “starmaids,” whose beautiful forms tapered into comet tails. It was a convenient way to explain the whispers they heard from outside the hull, and an excuse to avoid sleeping near the windows.”
-QuietPineTrees
– not taking your child’s injuries seriously when they’re younger, may make them feel like they can’t tell you anything when they’re older.
– PLEASE let your kids take personal days once in a while once they reach high school.
– grades are NOT everything. you can get plenty of well paying jobs now without having to go to college.
– really strict parenting WILL lead to sneaky kids. trust me.
– let them be who they want. they can’t change who they are, whether it be sexual orientation, gender identity or anything else. they need someone to support them.
– ^never say “they’re too young to know"
– 1 in 5 teenagers deal with mental illnesses of some sort. please make sure they know.
– you can’t MAKE them choose an educational field.
– even an A+ student, who’s a star athlete can be suicidal.
– MENTAL HEALTH COMES FIRST
– self harm is more common amongst teenagers than you think. it’s not always cutting (or on wrists). PLEASE BE AWARE.
– sex ed. doesn’t teach them anything
– tattoos and piercing aren’t “unprofessional” anymore.
– if they have depression, please DO NOT call them lazy. it’s almost the worst insult you could say.
– if their grades are dropping for no reason, ask about it, don’t assume things.
– most teenagers don’t have high self esteem. don’t make it worse.
– school is much harder now than it ever has been before.
– not everyone on the Internet is a predator.
– take them seriously.
– don’t take their phones/ computers away from them, as that is severing a link to what they feel could be the only people that understand and care about them.
– don’t get mad at them for always being on their phones/ computers. they have friends online and its absolute hell to get yelled at by your parents for talking to your friends.
-excusing the fact that they feel sad and anxious by saying “oh, you’re just a teenager being a teen, ha ha” isn’t helping. don’t write off feelings just because of age
– if your child is LGBTQ+ do your research, your child will be a lot happier being open with you about their orientation or identity if they know you are open about accepting it and know about it
– dont comment negatively on your child’s appearance. No matter how insignificant it may seem. Your words are very powerful to them, especially when they’re young.
– make sure to differentiate needs and wants when they’re younger. Teach them that if they need something, that you will always provide that for them, and that if they want something, they should do their best to earn it. Never ignore their needs.
– make sure they know you’re a safe place for them. When they make mistakes, urge them to tell you about it. NEVER punish them while angry. Help them fix the mistake, explain why what they did was wrong, and why they shouldn’t do it again, tell them the way they should’ve done the thing, and if needed, calmly dole out a punishment. Not a physical one. Never hit them. Take away privileges, not needs or comfort items. They really like pudding but can just as easily eat fruit instead? Take away pudding privileges. If they need a stuffed animal to curb anxiety attacks, don’t take it. Take wants, not needs.
– tell them that you are never going to be disappointed in them for things they can’t change. Its not their fault they’re only 4’11", or have depression, or are disabled, or have your ex-husband’s eyes. Never make them feel like a failure for something that is an inherent aspect of themselves. Instead, help them see that the parts of themselves they dont like are what make them lovable.
– tell them that they are inherently worthy of love and existence purely because they were born and they’re alive. Success doesnt equal worth. Tell them that often, they way they treat other people is what makes them likable or not. But, sometimes, people won’t like them. Not because theyre a failure, or at fault, but because sometimes people just can’t get along, or they might be an outcast because of peer pressure or strange social standards that they don’t have to meet. They might feel alone sometimes. Be there for them.
– accept that the way you show affection might be different from the way they show affection. Not every child hugs or kisses or smiles for affection. Maybe they high-five. Or squeeze your hand. Or they headbutt you softly. Accept their affection their way, and don’t force your type of affection on them, especially if they seem agitated by it.
– in the same vein, teach your kid that their body is theirs. Other people have to ask to have ANY kind of access to it, hug, kiss, or otherwise. Tell them they’re allowed to say no. They don’t owe aunt betty a hug just because she’s at the family reunion. Their body, their rules. Teach them that they should ask for access to other people’s bodies. Other people’s bodies are other people’s bodies. Teach them about consent. That it matters and that they must respect it. No means no. Absence of a yes means no. Don’t pressure other people. Ask if it’s okay more than once to make sure.
– teach them that not everyone has good intentions, but not everyone has bad intentions. Teach them to ask for second opinions of they’re not sure. Teach them to be safe with their personal information. Also, trust their judgment, but be there in case something does go wrong.
– teach them that making mistake is okay. That they will learn from it, and that they are not a failure for making mistakes. Make sure they know you’re proud. Make sure they know you love them.
– use ‘i love you’ seriously. Don’t ever teach them that these words dont matter. They do.
– teach them to express themselves in healthy ways, and that their self-expression is good and you’re proud of them for it. Dont teach them that creative expression is bad or worthless. Foster but dont pressure their talents. Teach them to try to actively do things to make themselves happy.
– teach them about common abuse tactics and how to recognize them. Teach them how to get out of toxic environments. Tell them that friends, close friends, or significant others are all capable of abusing them and that they have every right to calmly and politely ending relationships. Teach them how to stand their ground in difficult situations, and that if they must, they should cut off toxic people. Teach them the difference between cathartic release, and toxic negativity.
– understand that your job as a parent is never done, and they’ll need your help or guidance for their whole lives. Your lessons should be good enough that they should be able to find their way through life even when you’re gone.
– you’re their first role model. Remember that. “Do as I say, not as I do” isn’t good enough.
– your child is never at fault for the difficulties that might be brought to you because of their existence. Less money now that you have a kid? Not their fault. Your girlfriend left you and she says it’s because you have a kid? NOT THEIR FAULT. You’re the one who decided to have a kid, or decided to have intercourse that resulted in a child. Don’t blame them for your decisions. Love them, don’t demonize them.
– if you yourself is struggling with emotional issues, try to get help. Don’t take it out on your kids. Remember that you’re human and that humans make mistakes. If you do something you shouldn’t have, apologize and make it up to them. Your mistakes are not automatically absolved because your child loves you. Do your best.
A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.
Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
this fucks me up every single time
I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.
After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.
She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.
Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.
The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.
I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.
This is so fucking important and I think it’s something I needed right now
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