hear me out: all-female remake of lord of the rings
hear me out: all-female racially diverse remake of lord of the rings
Isn’t 2 humans, an Elf, 4 Hobbits, a Dwarf and a celestial being in a corporeal form already racially diverse?
Well, at least in how most high fantasy uses the word “race.”
No.
If every fantasy race is imagined as entirely white it absolutely does not count as racial diversity. The implications of a world where every race (or every race that matters) is white are quite the opposite, in fact, and point to conscious or unconscious white supremacy.
Tag: lotr
this is the best thing i’ve ever made
The Silmarillion (or ‘If You Try Hard And Believe In Yourself, Your Family Drama Can Destroy A Continent’)
Prologue: Choir Auditions Today (Improvisational Jazz Not Welcome)
Introduction: Dear World, Meet Your New Bosses
1. Melkor Says Light Is For Squares
2.
Aulë Gets To Sleep On The Couch
3. The Elves Take A Road Trip
4. Getting Distracted By A Hot Girl Only Leads To Good Things
5. Paradise Is A Sort-Of Island In The Middle Of Nowhere
6. This Pardon Is Absolutely The Right Decision
7. The Best Way To Deal With Stress Is Infighting
8. Melkor Says Light Is For Squares (Again)
9. Fëanor Makes A Rash Decision
10. Teamwork And Magic Can Fix Anything
11. The Valar Say Light Is Awesome
12. Men Shall (Eventually) Inherit The Earth
13. Cliffhangers Suck
14. Everybody Gets A Kingdom
15. Banning A Language Will Totally Solve Your Problems
16. Orphan Does His Best To Fit In After Horrible Childhood
17. Men Show Up Fifteen Minutes Late With Starbucks
18. There Is Absolutely No Way It Can Get Worse
19. The Happiest People In This Book Have Fun Adventures
20. It Got Worse
21. You Won’t Believe How Awful This Guy’s Life Is
22. Aggressive Negotiations Make Everyone Hate You
23. When Ulmo Says Leave, You Leave
24. The Valar Get Dangerous
Interlude: Colonialism Is Caused By Devil Worship
Epilogue: By Now You Should Have Learned Not To Trust Jewelry
Now if anyone asks you to sum up the Salmon Riot, you can.
“What business does an Elf, a Man and a Dwarf have in the Riddermark? Speak quickly !”
I’m so sorry, but this just looks like a rip from a rap video.
I’m fucking sobbing. Aragorn looks like he’s fighting off a bee before he swoops in to tackle someone. Legolas punching the air like he’s celebrating too early. The dude who’s creeping after Gimli like he’s gonna be an easy target and Gimli charging like a battering ram to crush his kneecaps. Gandalf serenely ignoring all this.
Galadriel: Take these lembas for your journey. They will serve you when all else fails. I have original, spicy nacho, cool ranch, and barbecue.
And then Legolas did a totally sick backflip and decapitated like 15 orcs. It was fuckin’ sweet
also that whole tale of aragorn and arwen thing where he saw her in the woods at twenty and fell instantly in love and it’s very beren and luthien? lies.
aragorn decided he was going to marry arwen when he was like, six.
and everyone thought it was just the cutest thing, baby estel with his little crush on the great immortal evenstar, and everyone would tease him about it relentlessly and he would get so mad, and pout, because how dare they doubt his word.
(arwen spent a lot of time biting back smiles and nodding very seriously when aragorn brings this up with her. no, estel, I do not know why they are laughing perhaps they have remembered a particularly funny joke.)
and then aragorn grows into this gangly teen and oh my god can you imagine being a pimply greasy teenager around fucking elves it’s a wonder he has any self-image left. His voice breaks every other word and the laundresses are beginning to wonder if something is wrong with the sheets because estel keeps washing them himself and aragorn wants to die, god, arwen is never going to marry him if he stays all elbows and skinny knees and he can’t even look her in the eye anymore without blushing, eye contact is probably something to look for in a husband–
(arwen, who never had to go through puberty because elves don’t do anything so undignified, tries to comfort him by saying she likes his blemishes. aragorn gives her a look of such utter, miserable despair that she starts laughing.)
(this is a mistake. he spends the next three weeks nursing his wounded ego and refusing to see her.)
estel is twenty when he asks for her hand. he is lean, slender and fair as a new tree, and so arwen does not feel guilt in kissing his cheek and gently refusing. he is still green, he will weather greater storms than this–and he takes it as he should, clasping her hand and swearing to ever be her loyal friend.
they write to each other–when she is in lorien, when he wanders with the rangers of the north, fights alongside gondor, travels to distant lands. it is an inconstant tie–he is rarely afforded time enough to put pen to paper; she is reserved so as not to encourage what may not be. (she signs her letters always, your friend. She likes him too well to be cruel in this.)
the years pass. his weariness and strife creeps onto the page, and she sends him tokens to fend off the darkness–leaves from lothlorien, the ribbon from her hair, snippets of poems. it is not enough it is never enough I am sorry, she writes.
his reply is gentle: you are enough. do not stop writing.
(she carries that letter tucked inside her sleeve for a long while, like a talisman–though against what evil, she does not know.)
she is in the house of her grandmother when a familiar voice calls out to her: my lady luthien!
this is when arwen looks up, sees aragorn–broad of chest and rugged, still wearing his battered mail, with one hand balanced lazily on the pommel of his sword. All the trees of caras galadhon are gold but he is shadow and silver, kingliness resting lightly on his shoulders–
and arwen thinks, oh fuck