Tag: lotr

momfriendmeriadoc:

Lord of the Rings is the rare case where the book is a musical and the movie isn’t

icescrabblerjerky:

feynites:

ainurs:

penny-anna:

animate-mush:

penny-anna:

hobbit-hole:

penny-anna:

hobbit-hole:

hobbit-hole:

if i had to get in a fistfight with any member of the fellowship it would be Frodo because i would easily win

all i am saying is that he would ostensibly be the easiest one to take on in a fight given that he’s like three feet tall and has led a life of (physical) leisure compared to all of the others due to his standing as a gentlehobbit

legolas, aragorn, and gimli are all used to combat, sam works as a gardener, merry and pippin often gallivant off and get into mischief so they have the advantage of experience in whatever it is they’ve gotten up to/would possibly fight dirty, gandalf is gandalf so while weapons are out of the question i suppose that depends on if magic is involved. i don’t think i could take him without magic even if he IS old because he’s a very large guy, but maybe

it would be my knuckles against Frodo’s baby soft poet hands, plus i’ve got the additional height and fighting experience. i just think that he would be the easiest to win against in hand-to-hand combat out of the rest of them. also he isn’t real so he can’t offer a rebuttal to my claim

you’re absolutely correct BUT wanting to fight Frodo makes you a monster D:

this has nothing to do with WANTING to fight Frodo, i just think he would be easiest for me to beat in a fight with no weapons. unless he utilized his very large feet, but i think he’s too polite to do that because it’s a fist fight and that would be considered playing dirty

for someone who doesn’t want to fight Frodo you sure have put a lot of thought into fighting Frodo……….

OP is wrong though: you fight Pippin.

First off, Pippin has it coming, so you won’t be fighting your conscience at the same time.

Secondly, Pippin is a spoiled rich kid. He’s no less gentry than Frodo is, but Frodo works out and is shown to have better stamina, at least at the outset. Pippin is also both the stupidest and the slowest of the hobbits. They both nearly beat one (1) troll, so that’s comparable, but Pippin appears not to have got a single hit in against the orcs that captured them while Merry was cutting off hands like a boss. Pippin also straight-up tell Bergil that he’s not a fighter.

Also there’s a nonzero chance that Frodo will just straight up curse you (if the guilt of fighting Frodo isn’t enough if a curse by itself).

And, of course, if you try to fight Frodo, you will 100% end up fighting Sam, and he will wreck you (and you’ll deserve it, you monster)

Also: if you fight Frodo you’ll have a very angry Sam & possibly also the entire Fellowship to deal with BUT if you fight Pippin they will probably cheer you on.

Bold of you to assume one could attempt to fight Pippin and NOT instantly be killed by Boromir.

So here’s the thing – you absolutely DO NOT want to try and fight Frodo or Pippin because they are going to be protected by the rest of the Fellowship, which basically exists to stop asshole Big People from picking on the hobbits. Folk might talk a big game but when the chips are down, you are not going to lay a single hand on any of the hobbits. Either you’ll find yourself immediately fighting all four of them or else you’ll move to land your first hit and suddenly Aragorn will side-tackle you into the trees. And he probably hits like a freight train tbh.

So here’s what you do:

You fight Legolas.

The thing about fist-fighting Legolas of course is that you will lose. This is not a fight you’re gonna win no matter what. But Legolas has his standing competition with Gimli, so once the challenge is issued, he’s not gonna let anyone else step in and fight you either. No one is liable to volunteer on his behalf, either, so you will only end up fighting the one member of the fellowship. If you are lucky he might also take his shirt off. Bonus!

Anyway.

Legolas will mop the floor with you, but he’s also already convinced you’re weaker than him anyway because you’re not an elf, so he’s gonna go kind of easy on you. And when you lose he will be all snide and superior about it, which means everyone in the fellowship is gonna sympathize with you, and Gimli will probably challenge him on your behalf afterwards, but here’s the key thing:

You will have lost a fist-fight to an immortal warrior prince.

That’s a way better loss to cop to than that time you tried to fistfight a pudgy gentlehobbit and got beaten to the point of unconsciousness by his gardener, yeah?

okay so tolkien tumblr is fast becoming my fave tumblr community thank you thank you all you are the true fellowship here.

claroquequiza:

bisexualthorin:

omgkatsudonplease:

thranduilland:

penny-anna:

mikkeneko:

criticalrolo:

artemis-crimson:

incorrect-middleearth-quotes:

poondragoon:

estel-of-the-eyrie:

penny-anna:

tehri:

penny-anna:

tehri:

penny-anna:

tehri:

penny-anna:

ok so, for people who have seen the LOTR films but not read the book I’d like to share some things that are 100% canon:

– Sam Gamgee uses the word ‘boner’. In a song. Several times.

– he also writes a poem that contains the phrase ‘golden showers’. (this is actually in the extended cut but they changed it to ‘silver showers’)

– at one point after he’s defeated Saruman steals Merry’s weed & runs away

– Denethor has actual mindreading powers

– so does Faramir (but he’s a nice person so they manifest more as heightened empathy)

– Gandalf ALSO has mindreading powers but for entirely different reasons. he reads Frodo’s mind while he’s sleeping at one point, casually reveals this to Frodo, and Frodo’s just like ‘huh neat’

– rather than bravely drawing the orcs away from Frodo like in the film, in the book Merry and Pippin just kind of, panic, bolt into the woods, and run directly into the orcs’ arms.

– Merry then draws his sword and hacks a bunch of orc hands off

– Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli name themselves ‘the three hunters’ before setting off to rescue Merry and Pippin because they are dorks

– they also improvise a whole song about how much they loved Boromir

– Aragorn does not initially tell the hobbits he’s a friend of Gandalf bcos he wanted them to like him for who he is. im not kidding. he openly admits to this.

– i feel like this is fairly well known but, if you didn’t know Frodo is 50 years old and looks 33

– hobbits PROBABLY age different to humans so looking 33 in practice means he looks about 21

– in accordance with the above Pippin is the equivalent of a 16-17 year old human

– Pippin can pass for a human child and looks like ‘a boy of nine summers’

– this isn’t that weird i just think it’s really cute: Pippin has 3 older sisters and their names are Pearl, Pimpernel and Pervinca. 

– Sam & Rosie have 13 children. One of them is called Goldilocks.

– Frodo has another best friend. His name is Fatty. He stayed behind in the Shire to cover for Frodo’s absence and ends up getting jailed for months by Saruman’s forces.

– Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, who steals spoons, is also jailed by Saruman. (She whacked one of his goons with an umbrella.)

– Grima Wormtongue MAY have eaten an entire hobbit

– Saruman invades the Shire and turns it into a communist hell police state.

– the whole Tom Bombadil thing is common knowledge but if you haven’t read the book i guarantee you he is weirder than you think. 

– to give just 2 examples: 1) the whole tom bombadil arc provides the explanation as to how Eowyn and Merry were able to dispatch the Witch King

– and 2) for unknown reasons sleeping in his house causes everyone to have horrible nightmares… EXCEPT for Sam who has a peaceful and dreamless night. no explanation offered for any of this. 

considering that Pippin’s dad is named Paladin, you fucking know he claimed the right to name each and every one of his children and his poor wife just begged him to choose a different letter to start with

also aragorn openly admitting to being fucking lonely and just wanting friends is treated like a weirdly funny joke in the book by the way that some of the hobbits react to it, and frodo also proceeds very soon after to basically tell aragorn that he’s pretty foul-looking but seems a good guy

yes to the above & a small correction + one i forgot:

– Merry does in fact gift Saruman the weed. It’s the bag it’s in that Saruman steals and runs off with. (also give that Merry stole the weed from Saruman’s personal supply in the first place i can’t say i blame him)

– Aragorn literally has magical healing powers. i don’t think they ever explain this in the films but he does very much have healing powers.

– the Ents are able to tear down the entire wall around Isengard, but can for whatever reason not make a single dent in the tower of Orthanc itself

– several riders knew that Merry was there and coming with them to the fields of Pelennor even though he was forbidden to do so, and they just sort of shrug and don’t tell the king

– GOD Merry and the riders: they don’t just shrug they straight up act like he isn’t there. to the point where if he talks they just pretend like they don’t hear him. this hurts his feelings.

– Merry doesn’t recognise Eowyn until she reveals herself to the witch-king. it could be that her disguise is just that good but Eowyn herself seems to be kind of surprised that he doesn’t recognise her so it’s possible he’s just a dumbass.

– Pippin goes all in for a suicide mission at the Black Gate because he thinks that Frodo and Sam are captured and/or dead and everything is lost anyway, so he just decides that if he’s going to die, he’s going to die fighting, and then he almost gets squashed by a troll

– Gimli found Pippin underneath said troll after the battle, only because Pippin’s fucking foot was sticking out, and probably had a bit of a panicky moment while he was MOVING the troll to drag Pippin out of there

– i can’t believe i forgot about the troll: Pippin single-handedly slays a troll & then its body falls on him and he’s just lying there like ‘well i guess this is how i die’

– Gimli 100% thought pippin was dead when he found him and was so distraught he almost ripped his beard out

– There’s also Aragorn making the Mouth of Sauron flee with terror because he glared at him. Not a joke. (An argument can be made here for Aragorn having psychic powers)

Or intimidation proficiency

If I may add…

– Legolas falling out of a tree and screaming.

– Legolas dropping hie bow. And screaming.

– Legolas just screamed. A lot.

– Legolas singing a song that he only knew half of.

– “Do what you will in your madness but I wish to see no eyes!”

– Legolas straight up walking away after a battle and singing

– Legolas sneaking Gimli into Valinor like contraband Twizzlers into the movie theater.

Provided by Mod Manwë

@criticalrolo heeeey claire you know LOTR, so uh

what the fuck

LISTEN… THESE BOOKS ARE A LOT

– everybody rags on Frodo for being a dumbass at the Prancing Pony, but listen, Merry knew they were on a top secret mission carrying the Ring and that the forces of Sauron were actively searching for them and not far away and he still decided it would be a good idea to just go out for a walk,  at night in a strange city, all by himself, just because he fucking felt like some fresh air

Ok TO BE FAIR to Merry, unlike the others he hadn’t actually SEEN the Nazgul at this point (just glimpsed one from the other side of the river) and as a result doesn’t understand just how much danger they’re in.

I found my copy of the books a few days ago… might be time for a reread…

don’t forget when saruman went evil and told gandalf he promoted himself from saruman the white to “saruman of many colours” gandalf was like “but i liked white better”,,,,,he legit said that that was his rebuttal

Ok but what about when legolas, gimli and Aragorn are tracking merry and pippin and legolas just watches as Aragorn rolls around in the fucking dirt and when he’s like “there are a lot of riders on horses coming this way!!” legolas is basically like, yea I know I’ve seen them for awhile there are 105 and their leader is tall LEGOLAS

– In the movies, Gandalf catches Sam eavesdropping and forces him to accompany Frodo, and Merry and Pippin are just kinda there–but in the book, it turns out Frodo is Very Bad at keeping secrets and is lucky the whole Shire doesn’t know about the Ring. All three not only know about the Ring almost as soon as Frodo does, but they organize an actual goddamn conspiracy to spy on Frodo for the purpose of making sure he doesn’t go gallivanting off on an adventure without them whilst preparing supplies for the selfsame adventure, which includes the before-mentioned Fatty Bolger staying behind partially to impersonate Frodo so people won’t know he’s gone for as long as possible 

– This is the most forethought any of them show for the entire series. They are never so thoughtful ever again

– There are probably Entwives, or Ent women, living in the Shire. This is evidenced by Sam’s cousin seeing a walking tree, Treebeard commenting that the Entwives would like the Shire when Merry and Pippin describe it to him, and possibly an explanation for why the Shire is so agriculturally rich and bountiful (because Entwives invented agriculture), and why the Hobbits love trees so much

– Nobody knows if the Balrog in the Mines of Moria has wings or not because the text is ambiguous and this is a semi-thorny issue among LotR fans and scholars

– That pony that they send away just before the Mines of Moria? Bill the pony? Totally a recurring character that comes back for the finale

– It is literally never mentioned in the book itself, but the appendices reveal that Merry and Pippin are basically Shire Royalty. Pippin is next in line to be Thain (or Chieftain) of the Hobbits and Merry becomes the Master of Buckland (which is for all intents and purposes an independent Hobbit country bordering the Shire)

– Sam then gets elected Mayor of the Shire, so the three basically rule the Shire as a triumvirate for fifty years, and are officially acknowledged as such by Aragorn

– Except not really because as mentioned earlier Saruman tries to turn the Shire into communist hell, which annoys the Hobbits because they like to think of themselves as libertarians. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

– Also Aragorn declares the Shire off-limits to all humans forever. The law even applies to himself, so when he and Arwen visit they have to set up camp just outside the border with their attendants like fancy hobos

– Hobbits are vicious gossipers and there a popular theory among them that Frodo’s mom murdered his dad by pushing him out of a boat and he grabbed her and pulled her in after him so they both drowned

– There is at least one sentient or near-human intelligence fox living in the Shire. It happens upon Frodo, Sam, and Pippin and wonders why three hobbits are sleeping outdoors in the middle of nowhere, and Tolkien takes the time to point out that it never did find out what they were up to

– When Gandalf goes to Isengard, all the goblins and orcs and mineshafts and everything are already there, but he just kinda—-doesn’t notice them. Not until he’s locked up on top of Orthanc and they cut down all the trees which were apparently hiding everything

And that’s everything I remember off the top of my head, LOL

consumptive-sphinx:

consumptive-sphinx:

consumptive-sphinx:

consumptive-sphinx:

consumptive-sphinx:

consumptive-sphinx:

Concept: the Silmarillion, in the style of Lemony Snicket

“Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a workshop and you decide that the Silmarils would look better in your crown, and you simply grab the Silmarils and take them there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it would be excusable to grab the Silmarils, take them to your fortress, and eat them.”

“Finrod was an Arafinwean, a word which here means ‘lithe blonde twink who, for some reason, everybody in the entire world except for Celegorm seems to underestimate.’

Curufin was smitten, a word which here means ‘not Celegorm.’”

“Now, “in the dark” is a term meaning that one is not aware of something that is going on, and has very little to do with physical light, or the lack of such a thing. If it is a bright sunny day and you are sitting in a park and you have no idea that buried beneath your picnic spot is a treasure chest then you are in the dark not in the dark, and if it is the dead of night and you are traipsing through the woods and you are entirely aware that you are being followed by a troupe of ballerinas then you are not in the dark in the dark, and if you are sitting at your kitchen table working and you are so intent on your work that you do not even realize night has fallen then you are in the dark about being in the dark in the dark, until you look up and find yourself no longer in the dark about being in the dark in the dark. And immediately after Melkor extinguished the Trees, all of Valinor found itself very comprehensively in the dark.“

“Fingolfin was an optimist, a word which here means ‘attempting to make amends with his half-brother who has just threatened him with a sword.’

Fingolfin was an optimist, a word which here means ‘willing to trust his half-brother to bring him across an ocean in the boats they have just stolen together.’

Fingolfin was an optimist, a word which here means ‘about to cross an ice bridge, having previously turned back because such a thing was clearly impossible.’

Fingolfin was an optimist, a word which here means ‘about to charge an evil god and stab him with a sword.’

Fingolfin was an optimist, a word which here means ‘dead.’”

“If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats, or, in Finrod’s case, werewolves.”

disembodied-doll:

absynthe–minded:

misbehavingmaiar:

defniel:

misbehavingmaiar:

Update: Sauron is not afraid of hobbits. He was unaware that hobbits existed up until very recently.  he literally did not have time to be afraid of them, they went from a 0 to 100 threat level in twenty seconds. There he was, minding his own business worrying about the usual Elves and Men when suddenly these kids are on his lawn and now he’s dead, like just; 

What did— who– 

did I just get one-shotted by an infant how is this occurring 

Honestly I have to love this whole thought process that the Fellowship must have cultivated in Sauron, like…

“These children have found the Ring! But they’re taking it to the elves, of course. I will simply have to catch them on the way.”

“Well, the elves are still not to be trifled with, it seems. It looks as though they have a group of intrepid heroes, how cute! Wait, who’s leading them? Aw, hell.”

“OKAY! Olorin’s out of the way, and now I can finally kill them all and reclaim the- OH DAMMIT, IT’S IN LOTHLORIEN.”

“Well, okay. They’ve taken it onward. Curunir says one of the halflings is still carrying the ring, so he’s going to capture them and we’ll see how this develops. Thankfully Olorin’s still out of the picture and their little group just shattered into pieces, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”

“Aaaaaand Curunir shat the bed. Excellent. Trees, who would have thought? Okay, so we’re back to plan A: conquer Gondor, because if the Ring’s going to be anywhere, it’ll be there.”

“Wait, who’s on the– Isildur’s WHAT? Ohhhh. Ohohoho. Oh now everything makes sense. Isildur’s Heir is back, and he’s here being all prideful again. That’s fine. Really. I’ll just crush him and his kingdom, and then nobody can stop me!”

“WHAT? FUCKING WHAT? THEY SENT HIM BACK? Ugh, alright, alright, I’m cool, I’m fine. He’s still got that stupid wizard costume on, and I’m still stronger than he ever was. It’s not like he can come toe to toe with me, even if he does have an army behind him. This’ll be fine.”

“They’re… actually marching on the Black Gate? Sweet lord, I didn’t think they’d actually do it! This is perfect, everyone’s right here! Olorin, the human princeling, most of the remaining fighting forces of Men, all I have to do is kill them now and– Wait. Someone just put on the Ring. Someone just– That’s a halfling. They’re inside the mouNTAIN OH GOD NAZGUL GO GO G–”

…aaaaaand curtain.

you can laugh but that is literally what happened

This is the single best brief summary I have ever seen of the entire point of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

elenorasweet:

yeaka:

Has this been done yet? Because I love you Elrond but wtf. [Screencap credit]

LAUGHING BUT CRYING INSIDE