That thing, in particular, was a thirty dollar Barnes & Noble gift certificate. I was still too young for a part-time job, so I didn’t have this kind of spending cash on me, ever. I felt like a god.
Drunk with power, I fancy-stepped my way to my local B&N. I was ready to choose new books based solely on the most important of qualities…BADASS COVER ART. I walked away with a handful of paperbacks, most of which were horrible (I’m looking at you, Man-Kzin Wars III) or simply forgettable.
One book did not disappoint. I fell down the rabbit hole into a series that proved to be as badass as the cover art promised (Again, Man-Kzin Wars III, way to drop the ball on that one). With more than a dozen books in the series, I devoured them. I bought cassette tapes of ballads sung by bards in the stories. And the characters. Oh, the characters. I loved them. Gryphons, mages, but most importantly, lots of women. Different kinds of women. So many amazing women. I looked up to them, wrote bad fiction that lifted entire portions of dialogue and character descriptions, dreamed of writing something that the author would include in an anthology.
This year I decided in a fit of nostalgia to revisit the books I loved so damn much. I wanted to reconnect with my old friends…
…and I found myself facing Mary Sues. Lots of them. Perfect, perfect, perfect. A fantasy world full of Anakin Skywalkers and Nancy Drews and Wesley Crushers. I felt crushed. I had remembered such complex, deep characters and didn’t see those women in front of me at all anymore. Where were those strong women who kept me safe through the worst four years of my life?
Which led me to an important realization as I soldiered on through book after book. That’s why I needed them. Because they were Mary Sues. These books were not written to draw my attention to all the ugly bumps and whiskers of the real world. They were somewhere to hide. I was painfully aware that I was being judged by my peers and adults and found lacking. I was a fuckup. And sometimes a fuckup needs to feel like a Mary Sue. As an adult, these characters felt a little thin because they lacked the real world knowledge I, as an adult, had learned and earned. But that’s the thing…these books weren’t FOR this current version of myself. Who I am now doesn’t need a flawless hero because I’m comfortable with the idea that valuable people are also flawed.
There is a reason that most fanfiction authors, specifically girls, start with a Mary Sue. It’s because girls are taught that they are never enough. You can’t be too loud, too quiet, too smart, too stupid. You can’t ask too many questions or know too many answers. No one is flocking to you for advice. Then something wonderful happens. The girl who was told she’s stupid finds out that she can be a better wizard than Albus Dumbledore. And that is something very important. Terrible at sports? You’re a warrior who does backflips and Legolas thinks you’re THE BEST. No friends? You get a standing ovation from Han Solo and the entire Rebel Alliance when you crash-land safely on Hoth after blowing up the Super Double Death Star. It’s all about you. Everyone in your favorite universe is TOTALLY ALL ABOUT YOU.
I started writing fanfiction the way most girls did, by re-inventing themselves.
Mary Sues exist because children who are told they’re nothing want to be everything.
As a girl, being “selfish” was the worst thing you could be. Now you live in Narnia and Prince Caspian just proposed marriage to you. Why? Your SELF is what saved everyone from that sea serpent. Plus your hair looks totally great braided like that.
In time, hopefully, these hardworking fanfiction authors realize that it’s okay to be somewhere in the middle and their characters adjust to respond to that. As people grow and learn, characters grow and learn. Turns out your Elven Mage is more interesting if he isn’t also the best swordsman in the kingdom. Not everyone needs to be hopelessly in love with your Queen for her to be a great ruler. There are all kinds of ways for people to start owning who they are, and embracing the things that make them so beautifully weird and complicated.
Personally, though, I think it’s a lot more fun learning how to trust yourself and others if you all happen to be riding dragons.
Mary Sues exist because children who are told they’re nothing want to be everything.
A girl making herself the hero of her own story is a radical act. Stop shaming girls for doing it. Stop shaming yourself for it.
let me tell you guys something that ACTUALLY happened in my screenwriting class last week
one of the female writers in our class is writing a feature about this gang of teenage girls who sort of become vigilantes and murder men who harass women (that’s a shitty logline of it but it’s actually fucking awesome and highly stylized and over-exaggerated like tarantino in a good way bc i fucking hate tarantino). ANYWAY their first kill is this guy named taylor. taylor is one of the girl’s boyfriends. it is heavily implied and the writer confirmed that he abuses and rapes her. not explicitly seen, but she has bruises, there are scenes implying it etc.
so. she wrote the part where they kill taylor. and one of my professor’s comments was about how he felt like he didn’t hate taylor enough.
to which me and my female friend were like um what?? we hate him. he fucking raped and abused her. wE HATE HIM. HE IS A HORRIBLE PERSON.
and my prof was like well yeah i hate him but i don’t HATE hate him. and we argued about it. so he took a poll of who hated taylor. ALL of the girls in the class raised their hands. none of the boys did. when he asked who didn’t hate taylor all of the men raised their hands. and me and my friend started laughing because of COURSE they did.
and my prof was like why are you laughing and the writer was like “i think they’re laughing at the gender difference in that answer” and my prof was like “well, from my male perspective, i don’t think i’m being sexist”
WHAT.
first of all did you hear that sentence at ALL do you understand how paradoxical it is?????
second of all, no. just no.
and then my prof went on to say “i feel like we need to see taylor be horrible. like bad solution, he kicks a dog”
evidently a man can abuse and rape a girl and not be hated, but if he kicks a dog then he’s PURE EVIL
brie larson, who won an oscar for her portrayal of a sexual abuse survivor, refusing to clap for casey affleck after having to award him for the second time in the season.
Constance Wu on Twitter: Men who sexually harass women [for an Oscar]! [Because] good acting performance matters more than humanity, human integrity! [Because] poor kid [really] needs the help!
@TheAcademy congrats on not learning from the past! Congrats on reinforcing the BTS mistreatment of women in [Hollywood]! Who cares [right]? Go Casey!
Boys! BUY [your] way out of trouble by settling out of court! Just do a good acting job, [that’s] all that matters! [Because] Art isn’t about humanity, right?
Here’s a thing I wrote during an convo w/ @PeterShinkoda about how Casey Affleck’s win will be a nod to Trump’s.
Right, he’s not running for Prez. He’s running for an award that honors a craft whose purpose is examining the dignity of the human experience & young women are deeply human. The absence of awards doesn’t diminish a great performance. That’s on the page, or screen, as it were… and the opportunity to even DO the part is a tremendous honor in and of itself. But the choices an awarding committee makes DOES increase the dignity of an award and brings light to the pursuit our craft seeks to honor. It signifies said committee’s awareness of the harmful oversights it may have unknowingly participated in the past, and the respect and dignity to learn from the past, not repeat it and not to use it as an excuse to reinforce the industry’s gross and often hidden mistreatment of women. Art doesn’t exist for the sake of awards, but awards do exist to honor all that art is trying to accomplish in life. So context matters. Because in acting, human life matters. It’s why art exists. I know it’s just an award but I guess I’m in this career, not for awards, but because the treatment of human life matters to me. So I stand the fuck up for it.
I’ve been counseled not to talk about this for career’s sake. F my career then, I’m a woman & human first. That’s what my craft is built on.
that episode where a team with only one girl and a lot of guys suddenly has another girl join the team, and everyone loves her for some reason (usually implied to be that shes pretty), and the original girl immediately hates and cannot stand second girl
are you kidding
whenever i have been in an all boy group the appearance of anything even remotely a girl has been an utter relief and total joy are you kidding
My entire professional life has been in teams surrounded by men. Like, literally, there have been repeated times in my life when I was the only woman on that floor.
On two separate occasions in my working life, I’ve joined a team and the other woman already on that team has later come over to talk quietly to me and say something to the effect of “Thank god, another woman. I was so happy to find you were joining us.”.
I guess this is how you can tell a guy wrote the script and he had very little real world experience in the environment he’s writing. When you’re in an all-male team, the only other woman would have to be a straight out sociopath who casually poisoned people around her to make me hate her. And even if she was, I’d at least try four times before I gave up. Or maybe consider joining her (I mean she might have a reason for what she’s doing after all).
because the male fantasy is that all women are in competition with each other for their attention.
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