headcanon that since the slytherin common room is under the lake there’s a room where the walls and ceiling are glass and you can just see into the lake like an aquarium
headcanon that when this was first done the mermaids got really aggressive and hateful about it and started ramming the glass but since it was magic this just caused them injuries
until a deaf/hoh slytherin started to teach them sign language and it took a long time bit by the time they left hogwarts they and the rest of the house were communicating with the mermaids and on good terms
eventually it becomes a part of slytherin house culture you’re a slytherin you know sign language because if you don’t chat with the mermaids they get grumpy
this helps a lot of deaf/hoh students
this also gives slytherin the best grades of any house on all aquatic magical studies
the mermaids give terrible dating advice do not trust them
The most common mermaid dating advice, of course, being “Drown him”
Okay but Muggleborn students whose first letter home reads “Dear Mum and Dad GRANNY WEATHERWAX IS THE HEADMISTRESS”
It becomes Tradition, as Discworld memes tend to do, with someone in the Common Room mentioning “Headmistress Weatherwax”, and then it becomes an in-joke with the people who were there even if they didn’t recognise the reference, and it spreads and grows, and the older Muggleborns tell the first-years who do know Discworld that Headmistress McGonagall actually knew Sir Terry, and was the inspiration for Granny, and you think it’s coincidence that Granny is so good at Borrowing and McGonagall can turn into a cat? and the Witches books get passed around, and we know how good Potterverse wizards are at critical thinking, and the upshot is that within a couple of weeks it is Established Fact that McGonagall is actually Granny Weatherwax.
And one day McGonagall stands at the podium at dinner time, and casts a baleful eye around the room, and says “I can’t be having with this.”
And the kids who started the rumour in the first place swiftly reevaluate all their life choices.
The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.”
“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”
“A different hipprogriff.”
“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”
“Prove it.”
no dna tests we die like scientifically underdeveloped societies
Prisoner of Azkaban continues to be the most frustrating book
Someone should have just adopted Sirius and started calling him Gerald.
Remus: Erm… this is our new order member, my… cousin Gerald. Gerald White.
“Mr. Lupin that is Sirius Black with glasses!” “Oh come now Minister, Sirius Black doesn’t wear glasses. That wouldn’t make sense.” “Well have Mr. White take off his glasses then!” “He can’t he needs them to see.”
it got better
It’s honestly a miracle to me that wizarding society doesn’t collapse every other week because like
You’ve got this world full of people who can destroy whole buildings or turn people into beetles or make vehicles fly just by waving a stick at them
And there is literally no common sense
Anywhere to be found
Voldemort would never have had anyone find out he was back if he just went around calling himself Steve
Okay, see, I thought I saved this post to comment on it but I’d like to bring up
The Minister would NEVER EVER disbelieve in Gerald White. He’d buy it hook line and sinker. The wizarding world would buy it hook line and sinker. The GOBLINS wouldn’t but wizards have been shown to be pretty blindingly clueless. Still, Gringotts would grudgingly give Sirius access to the Black fortune.
But, but, but, you know the one person
the one person
who Gerald White would drive AB-SO-LUTELY FUCKING BATSHIT?
Severus Snape.
Snape would do everything, EVERYTHING, to get people to believe that it’s Sirius. But the Order would ignore it (they accepted Sirius as Sirius before anyway) and Remus would just be so… so affronted.
‘Severus, he is my cousin.’
And Sirius would love it. He’d love the fact that Snape just hated it. He’d be the BEST DAMN GERALD WHITE EVER b/c Snape is doing everything from dropping veritaserum into his firewhisky to capturing a dementor in a box and releasing it on Sirius when he least expects it
That one causes problems for a bare minute because SHIT A DEMENTOR ATTEMPTED TO GIVE GERALD THE KISS MAYBE SNAPE IS RIGHT except Harry comes forward and is like ‘excuse me, I’ve never committed a crime and dementors are ALWAYS attacking me, I think they’re attracted to glasses’
and the magical community is like ‘shit, yeah, you’re right’
and just
Spare. Snape goes spare.
Picturing Snape as Mr. Crocker from the Fairly Oddparents now.
Gerald White eventually becomes a fully registered animagus. When he turns into his animagus form right in front of Snape, Snape’s bursting at the seams, just pointing at him and spluttering:
‘HE’S A BIG BLACK DOG! A DOG – THAT IS BLACK. SIRIUS BLACK. BLACK DOG DOG BLACK.’
And Remus calmly says: “That’s absurd, Severus. Sirius Black was never an animagus and besides which, people’s names don’t have any influence over their animagus forms or anything like that. That’s ridiculous.”
And Snape yells: “Shut it WEREWOLF MCWEREWOLF!”
Everyone looks at Remus, who blinks and sighs as Gerald White turns back into his human form.
“Pure coincidence,” Gerald says. “My aunt was into Roman mythology. Has to happen sometimes.” Then he pauses to give Snape an overly concerned look. “Are you alright, Severus? You’re looking a little red.”
what if the boy who lived was the girl who lived? scruffy tomboy harriet “call me Harry” potter, getting extra rubbish from the Dursleys both from being a girl and being the wrong kind of girl
and absolutely nothing in the entire 7-book series changes except for pronouns. because girls can be brave and imperfect and angry and sulky and loud just like boys can.
(except a girl harry would room with Hermione Granger and the Patil twins instead of Ron and Sean, but that’s literally the only thing I can think of that might change)
absolutely nothing whatsoever changes with regards to Ginny. except that in addition to “why doesn’t Harry notice me as more than a chum,” she grumbles, “why hasn’t Harry managed to realize that CHO IS STRAIGHT”
IF this becomes a popular text post, this is how I want to be remembered
i couldnt help it
changing dorms would change a lot actually. :
(aka i express howo much i love this post through comic s)
i’m totally down with this post
except
“but Harriet would room with Hermione Granger and the Patil twins instead of Ron and Sean”
who the fuck is sean
obviously dean and seamus. combined into one. one whole sean.
What about poor Neville
also a girl. she can’t find her hairbrush. she can’t find her frog. she just wants to hang out with her plants
please help this girl, she has done nothing wrong in her entirelife
the Hogwarts teachers were my favourite part of the books remember in CoS when they were so sick of Lockhart that they chased him out of the staffroom by reminding him he’d said he could kill Slytherin’s monster in seconds, remember in OotP when they couldn’t tell Harry they approved of his interview so they did wildly extravagant favours for him, like giving him twenty house points for passing a watering can, or bursting into tears and announcing that he’d live a long and happy life? on that note remember how much McGonagall disliked Trelawney and all her little digs, and remember how she ran forward to brace Trelawney as she was being kicked out by Umbridge? remember how McGonagall ran out to defend Hagrid from trained Aurors with nothing but her words and took four Stunning Spells to the chest? remember when she told Peeves how to unscrew the chandelier? i could go on about McGonagall especially for days but i love all of them so much
“Slytherins didn’t participate in the battle of Hogwarts bc they’d be fighting family” Do you have ANY idea of how much I’d fucking LOVE to fight some ppl in my own goddamn fucking family forget the goddamn wand I’m gonna punch my homophobic racist uncles in the throat à la muggle
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