social media aus make everything better lmao literally imagine the harry potter books + social media. second year someone snapchats a picture of literal death threats written on the walls in blood captioned ‘’hogwarts its the safest place in the world’ lmao bitch where??’ fourth year #potterstinks is trending locally on twitter. sixth year story gets out about harry’s conversation with snape and everybody in the gryffindor group chat changes their name to ‘roonil wazlib’ for a week. draco bitching about harry on yik yak as if the entire school doesn’t know for a fact its him.
Tag: hp
you know what Harry that is an interesting piece of information don’t be an ass
Harry, your whole thing is playing a sport that involves flying around on gravity resistant sticks made from trees. Did you ever stop to think Neville was telling you this cause he was being considerate of your interests?
What if Harry just obliviated Voldemort and none of the death eaters knew it happened so Harry just went about living a normal life and Voldemort was confused as to why all these people in weird masks kept trying to talk to him
Gilderoy Lockhart Potter, you are named after a Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher, who taught me the most important skill I ever needed to know.
bless you hp fandom
concept: instead of hedwig, Harry goes into the pet store and this little snake in the back of the store talks to him, obviously gets his attention more than the other animals, and harry feels sorry for it so he takes it home. Then the snake helps Harry throughout his years at hogwarts as harry carries it wrapped around his hand all like “pssssst, haaarryyy, the dark lord isss coming sss” or just petty shit like “haaaarrryy, now is the time, assskkk out cho chaaannngg”
The snake getting really agitated in second year and Harry like ‘Aw, what’s wrong little friend?’
And snake’s like ‘Nah don’t worry it’s cool, it’s just that big fuck-off snake in the pipes that keeps making you think you’re hearing things—it’s like, ten thousand foot long, and I’m a corn snake, so you know. Bit intimidating.’
imagine if instead of calling voldemort “you know who”, they had done the benedict cumberbatch thing, so they would speak in hushed whispers about
lollipop vladimir or
lanky vanderbiltlackadoodle vaudeville
limp vondertramp
lorde vinklehabit
vold lordermort
Imagine My Immortal but written in the style of Shakespeare.
SCENE 1. A MAGIC SCHOOL CALLED HOGWARTS IN ENGLAND
Enter ENOBY
ENOBY
For truth, that which the gods have christened me
Has many parts, like these locks, flow’n from my crown.
That hellish sound, which forms mine name, sprung from
The dusky shades of these roots, so like the stone
But broken, rent, mottled; for, like the flames
That hie from Hades, the dusk is split with peals
Of cold violet, the shade of icy fangs
Met with military scarlet; coils not
But hangs; not ragged, but lustrous, set off
Like a precious jewel made more pure by the
Barren winds of silent winter deserts,
So are not these jewels of mine own self-crown
Brought forth in splendour so close to these eyes
Frozen, as glaciers, forged by an artist
Who, bereft of artisan tools, gives himself
And sculpts his godly business with that
Which the muses draw blindly from his vision.
Thus sorrow, reflected twice in these mirrors,
Casting mine eyes as icy limpid tears.Imagine Shakespeare but written in the style of My Immortal
Hi my name is Hamlet and I have long blond hair that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like the sun god Apollo (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to him but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. My mother married my uncle after my father died. I have pale white skin. I’m also a student, and I went to a school called Wittenberg in Germany but I just graduated. I’m a prince (in case you couldn’t tell) but I wear mostly black bc I’m in mourning. I For example today I was wearing a black doublet with matching lace around it and a black tights, white undershirt and black boots. I was with my mother and Horatio. We were standing inside Elsinore. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. My uncle Claudius stared at me. I put up my middle finger at him.
Can we talk about how awesome the Shakespeare one is?
This is like the most awesome thing I’ve seen all day
Im slightly aroused
I applaud our two talented writers
tonks and lupin are two of the gayest characters ive ever seen and somehow jkr thought it was a good idea to put them in a terrible straight relationship
Wait wait hear me out here….. Polyamorous bisexuals.
does anyone else notice how misinterpreted the houses are?
like why are slytherins refered to as being ‘edgy bad chicks/guys’ and ‘sex gods/goddesses’ when it’s their house, of all four houses, that values traditionalism?
why are hufflepuffs described as relaxed hippies who prefer to chill and eat cookies all day when their house is the one that values hard work?
why do people think ravenclaws are stuck-up and boring bookish nerds when literally the only personality traits you have to possess to be a ravenclaw are creativity, wit, wisdom, acceptance, originality, intelligence and individuality?
why are gryffindors depicted as brash, rude rulebreakers when chivalry is so important to them?
oh lordy, thank you for this post because I could have never made one as well-written. While sure, the aesthetics are pretty and all, but they hardly ever accurate.
I know people talk a lot about how damaging the prank was to severus but like… I defy you to tell me it didn’t deeply affect remus more
because think about trusting someone with your deepest darkest secret and then that someone using that secret in a manner that completely disrespects you and trivializes that secret
do not even try to tell me that the relationship between remus and sirius didn’t change permanently after that. do not even.
I think it’s the point that started to drive a wedge between the Marauders.
Sirius was ridiculously reckless, and whilst Severus would be justified in being terrified that a fellow teen was happy to send him to his death, Remus would also be justified in being terrified that one of his supposed best friends was happy to risk outing him, and happy to risk him committing murder (which would’ve probably earned him a death sentence too).
We know that by the time they’re 21, Remus has been presumed to be the traitor and has been somewhat excluded from the group – and we know that James and Sirius were as tight as ever, so it feels fair to presume that no matter how disgruntled James may have been over Sirius’ behaviour that night, he forgave him.
Similarly, we know that Remus sat to one side when James and Sirius went for Severus in Snape’s Worst Memory – we assume that this is because Remus has more of a conscience, but I’d argue that as Snape bemoans the group attacking him 4-on-1, it’s more likely that Remus has turned his back on their bullying behaviour after the attack, whereas he was happy to join in prior to this.
Remus can’t take Sirius to task over the incident because Sirius knows Remus’ deepest darkest secret, and Remus knows that Sirius isn’t against using it for his own ends – even if those ends would result in Remus committing murder, or being slaughtered.
In his actions that night, Sirius proved that he’s a complete headcase with no regard for other people, their feelings or their safety. Remus was stuck – he probably didn’t want to condone what had happened, but he couldn’t risk falling out with Sirius either, in case he outed him.
I always have to note when I see the idea that Remus could’ve been “slaughtered” after the Prank that there is no death penalty in the wizarding world. It’s based on the UK, and more importantly, the punishment of last resort for those Azkaban cannot hold – Sirius and Barty Crouch Jr – is the Dementor’s Kiss; no one ever mentions death.
You could make an argument based on werewolves being classified as dark creatures, I suppose, but given the lack of textual evidence I think it would’ve been Azkaban. Still scary and awful! Just, I see a lot of this idea that Remus would’ve been executed if things had gone wrong and I think the books don’t support that.
I also think Remus’ relationship with his own lycanthropy is less fear-filled than that? Like, it’s text that they had “many” near-misses and kept running around recklessly. Even as an adult he’s non-compliant about his meds – he doesn’t gratefully gulp the Wolfsbane the second he gets it, he kind of plays this (very, very understandable) little power game of refusing to take the potion under Snape’s eye. We also see Remus being bothered by Sirius’ “wish it was full moon” – but then he’s ALSO the one who explicitly calls himself a werewolf during Snape’s Worst Memory. I do think the Prank likely changed their relationship, and that Sirius’ selfish attitude to Remus’ state bothered him, but I don’t think Remus had some great fear of being outed, or indeed exactly great fear about his wolf side getting out of control. I suspect it was more anger that Sirius treated his stigmatised chronic disease as entertainment/means of revenge, which isn’t quit the same thing.
All very fair points – I am no real expert on Remus, I have to admit!
On the slaughter point, I think people tend to reference it because we do have dangerous animal laws in the UK. The question is, would Remus have been tried as a wizard who murdered, or as a dangerous creature that needed to be destroyed (e.g. Buckbeak)?
We don’t know for sure, but I’d venture a guess that it’s the latter. Lupin would most likely be treated like a dangerous creature.
But even if he were not to be executed, the people would probably want it. It’s clear that wizarding society is not fond of werewolves. If one were to kill a child I’m sure they would demand he be made an example. I imagine mass protests insisting on Lupin’s execution. Whether or not that would come to be is pure speculation.
Also, some point out that Snape himself could have killed or seriously maimed Lupin in self-defense, had the prank gone all the way. Whether or not Snape is capable of such a thing, we don’t know. But it’s still a possibly that Sirius didn’t even think to consider before he set up one of his supposed best friends (or maybe he did think of it and didn’t care, I’m trying to give Sirius the benefit of the doubt here).
Yes, I tend to lean that way myself, for the reasons you’ve outlined.
It’s a good point re: Snape. I always think the invention of Sectumsempra is curious – it’s hard to know for certain because canon is so sparse around those years, but I find it interesting that Snape uses it after the werewolf attack.
To me, that’s a terrified kid who knows that his bullies have a literal werewolf they can attack him with – so he creates a spell that turns his wand into a sword. We know from Remus’ comments in later years that Snape uses it so often, it becomes known as one of his signature spells.
So I think that came after, because if Snape was walking around with a sword style spell, I think Sirius would’ve thought twice about sending the two face-to-face.
I thought about whether Snape could have used Sectumsempra as well, but came to the same conclusion as you did. It most definitely was created after the prank, if not as a direct result of it. James and Sirius seem rather surprised in SWM (which in case anyone is unclear of the timeline, happened after the prank) when Snape cuts James’s cheek, so clearly as you mention Sectumsempra was not Snape’s signature move yet.
And your comment about Snape’s fear is very important. Too many times I’ve seen Snape’s creation of Sectumsempra thrown in his face. “Look everyone! This is such an evil, hurtful spell! Snape must have been pure evil to create it!” is a simplistic version of a statement I’ve seen countless times. This statement completely disregards the context. You know, the context where his bullies physically attack him and set him up to potentially be attacked by werewolves. I don’t fault Snape at all for creating a such a spell in self-defense, especially, like you mention, when his enemies have a werewolf that they’re not afraid to use.
The other point that is SO important when considering Snape’s character is that he didn’t just create Sectumsempra…
…he created the antidote too.
And that’s what makes Snape such a powerful character, because he treads that grey line between the others.
Voldemort would’ve made Sectumsempra and used it without caring about the impact.
Dumbledore would’ve made Sectumsempra, been horrified at the impact it had and ensured he never used Sectumsempra again.
…but Snape, who treads that line between them both…he keeps it in his arsenal, but ensures he knows how to treat it.
Except that the memory takes place when the Mauraders are doing their OWLs, which happen in 5th year.
The prank took place in their 6th year.
So the prank happened AFTER the memory, not before.
I think one of the reasons the Harry Potter Epilogue was so poorly received was because the audience was primarily made up of the Millennial generation.
We’ve walked with Harry, Ron and Hermione, through a world that we thought was great but slowly revealed itself to be the opposite. We unpeeled the layers of corruption within the government, we saw cruelty against minorities grow in the past decades, and had media attack us and had teachers tell us that we ‘must not tell lies’. We got angry and frustrated and, like Harry, Ron and Hermione, had to think of a way to fight back. And them winning? That would have been enough to give us hope and leave us satisfied.
But instead. There was skip scene. And suddenly they were all over 30 and happy with their 2.5 children.
And the Millennials were left flailing in the dust.
Because while we recognised and empathised with everything up to that point. But seeing the Golden Trio financially stable and content and married? That was not something our generation could recognise. Because we have no idea if we’re ever going to be able to reach that stage. Not with the world we’re living in right now.
Having Harry, Ron and Hermione stare off into the distance after the battle and wonder about what the future might be would have stuck with us. Hell, have them move into a shitty flat together and try and sort out their lives would have. Have them with screaming nightmares and failed relationships and trying to get jobs in a society that’s falling apart would have. Have them still trying to fix things in that society would have. Because we known Voldemort was just a symptom of the disease of prejudice the Wizarding World.
But don’t push us off with an ‘all was well’. In a world about magic, JK Rowling finally broke our suspension of disbelief by having them all hit middle-class and middle-age contentment and expecting a fanbase of teenagers to accept it.
Also. Since when was ‘don’t worry kids, you’re going to turn out just like your parents’ ever a happy ending? Does our generation even recognise marriage and money and jobs as the fulfillment of life anymore? Does our generation even recognise the Epilogue’s Golden Trio anymore?
#i think this one of the reasons why the james/lily/albus naming theme bothered me #because there’s a sense of going in a circle rather than pressing forward #the only way the wizarding world will survive if it changes dramatically from this point #having the station seem exactly the same #right down to the names being thrown around #makes it seem stagnant #so i’m guessing another dark lord should turn up in a couple of decades (x)
YOU PUT IT IN WORDS