Meanwhile, “utter” works for the first (e.g., “you utter floorboard”) but somehow “utterly” doesn’t seem to work as well for the second (“I was utterly floorboarded”).
Utterly doesn’t work for drunk because it’s the affix for turning random objects into terms for *shocked*, obviously.
… huh. I thought that might just be the similarity to “floored”, and yet “I was utterly coat hangered” does seem to convey something similar.
I have to tell you, I am utterly sandwiched at this discovery.
Completely makes the phrase mean “super tired”.
“God, it’s been a long week, I am completely coat-hangered.”
I’ve discovered ‘Nailed It’, a new Netflix baking show hosted by Nicole Byers, in which less-than-skilled home bakers compete in recreating fancy cakes in a bid to win $10,000. It’s like reverse Bake Off and it’s hilarious.
Some quality TV at last…
This just went straight to the front of my Netflix queue.
Lyft driver: “Your name, is Slavic? Me too. Bulgarian. I drive fast for you, brother.”
Now he’s waxing philosophical about the Ottoman Empire, imperialism, and human nature. “Humans? We are the most dangerous animal. Other animals, they kill when they need to. We kill when we think we need to. It is not the same.”
He just monologued about climate change and the military industrial complex, and the difficulty of having a Balkan identity when every Balkan country changes hands “every twenty years”. “Our history is getting swallowed by the biggest fish, and that fish getting swallowed by the next biggest fish, and so on.”
He had so many more gems. We compared family names, realized that his daughter shares my grandfather’s name (the feminine version), and then he started talking about The Old Country. The city where he grew up had a population of 300, and the population of his whole country could fit inside Chicago. He came here twenty years ago seeking a better life, but “everything in America is too big, the cars, the problems, the inequality”. He pointed to his phone and called it “stupid little computer” that’s meant to control his life, not to improve it, and how the world is getting steadily worse and the little people can’t do anything about it. He told me to continue my studies so that I don’t grow up to work in the service industry and can instead try to stop the concentration of power into the hands of corrupt people. Then he shrugged and said, “But who knows? Can anyone do it? I don’t know if it’s possible.”
can you imagine being 26 years old and in marketing and you want to settle down with a rich stupid man who’s crazy about you and you FIND a divorcee who hasn’t talked to his ex in over a decade and has a very forgiving custody arrangement that would easily enable boarding school and is willing to MARRY you after a SIX TO EIGHT WEEK SUMMER ROMANCE with NO PRENUP and then his brat kid comes back from summer camp and it turns out his ESTRANGED OTHER TWIN DAUGHTER came back from camp and they hijack your entire life and put a lizard on you and then your hot old man ditches you for his hot mess of an ex WHO DESIGNED… THE CUSTOM WEDDING DRESS YOU HAD ALREADY PAID FOR. truly. a roller coaster summer…. all that scheming WASTED
Either this is the plot to a movie I haven’t seen or Tumblr user spikenards has some very specific fears
This guy in my class likes to think he’s the only one who knows about tumblr When a girl messed up her presentation he literally held up a drawn star that said ‘you tried’ and said to me “you probably won’t get it it’s an Internet thing.”
I started Hebrew, which is why I’ve been dead on this blog, but I don’t think I can ever properly convey to you guys the sheer cultural whiplash of spending years learning Japanese from Japanese teachers and then trying to learn Hebrew from an Israeli
Japanese: you walk into class already apologizing for being alive Hebrew: you walk into class, the teacher insults you and you are expected to insult her back
Japanese: conjugates every single verb based on degree of intended politeness, nevermind keigo and honorifics Hebrew: Someone asked my teacher how to say “excuse me” and she laughed for several seconds before saying we shouldn’t worry about remembering that since we’ll never need to say it
Japanese: if you get one stroke wrong the entire kanji is incomprehensible Hebrew: cursive? script? fuck it do whatever you want, you don’t even have to write the vowels out unless you feel like it
Japanese: the closest thing there is to ‘bastard’ is an excessively direct ‘you’ pronoun Hebrew: ‘bitch’ translates directly
Fun fact: Israel has possibly the lowest power-distance metric of any culture in the world, while Japan has one of the highest. I didn’t realize that the CTO of my company was the CTO until somebody else told me, because everybody called him by his first name and engaged in mutual shit-talking/playful insults with him.
In Japan, even calling your boss by the wrong honorific is liable to get you in trouble.
And apparently there’s some sciencey cooperative venture going on between Israel and Japan in an official diplomatic capacity. I want to be a fly on the wall when Japanese and Israeli scientists work together.
So last week I tried moaning every time I ate something delicious.
It was vaguely uncomfortable and unnatural
I actually love the idea of doing this trying out fanfic/literary cliche’s out in real life, kinda wanna make up a list and undertake it as a challenge.
don’t forget to make your butthole flutter today
Guess someone’s eye color from 20 feet away.
Be careful with these. I started reading fanfiction three years ago and now I have to toe my shoes off to get my feet out.
But do you pad across rooms?
Yes but I often give away my position when I huff.
FYI, I’m smirking at all y’all.
I’m resisting the urge to card my fingers through everybody’s hair.
This is as good a time as any to admit that right now I smell like coffee, sandalwood soap, and something uniquely myself.
Ah, but are you holding a breath you are unaware of?
I just stretched lazily and showed a strip of pale skin where my t-shirt rode up but there was no-one here to stare at it, speechless, so I don’t know if it even counted
I sigh thousand times a day. Hope that is enough.
I was forced to tear my eyes away, yet drawn toward this by my body’s own volition.
Anyone else here having life changing epiphanies every time when making a cup of tea? Or is that just me?
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