girls writing poetry are always like “i fed my blood to the coyotes i reached inside of myself and tore out my own lungs” and i’m always like damn u good? Mood tho
Do you all want to see a puppy that was so fucking hugelarge his mom had to get a C-section only specifically because of this puppy
big baby!!!
My child.
My friend’s dog had the same happen. They were supposed to have 4 puppies, they got one single puppy the size of 4 newborns bc he absorbed his siblings before they were fully developed. They named him Pangea.
complains about coffee grounds in the sink disposal
calls pepper “honey”
makes everyone green smoothies in lidded cups
makes clint’s medical appointment over the phone
keeps kids’ drawings lying around the house
has “date nights” with his S.O. who runs a big company
goes to therapy
conclusion:
maverick genius businessman tony stark, the iron man, is a trophy housewife
All of Tony’s actions starting from Iron Man 2, in which he made his girlfriend his CEO, are actually parts of an elaborate plan to achieve his ultimate secret goal. He finally got the Trophy Husband part down, all that remains now is to become Stay At Home Dad. His final form.
I think my favourite fact about the elder scrolls oblivion is that the reason the voice acting sounds soooooo disjointed is because the VA’s were given their lines in alphabetical order.
i honestly wish there was just a crack version of all the hp movies and this was the basis of the first plot
Now imagine everything Harry does being seen as some cool power move by Malfoy.
Refusing his friendship? Just knowing his own worth and not willing to be an underling.
Befriending Weasley and Granger? Nice going, Potter. Keep rabble around to accentuate yourself.
Being rich and powerful but still getting Dumbledore to buy you the literal best broom on the market with money that was part of schools’ budget?……You remind me of a muggle father mentioned, I think his name was Bezos?
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student
Little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?” Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her,
“Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,
“Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
the cool thing about having an idiot alt right supporting brother is when he gets mad over dumb shit my sister and i go “It’s concerning how such a small thing triggers such a strong reaction from you.” in the family groupchat and he’ll see the word “trigger” in relation to him and go fucking nuclear
the downside about having such a dipshit brother is literally every thing else about him
case in point: he’s angry about Stranger because she knocked over a glass he left on the counter overnight and said if we don’t find her owner by tomorrow he’ll throw her out the window.
I went “It’s concerning how something so small triggers such a strong reaction from you. Stranger is a kitten, and we’ve only had her for a few days. Maybe you should calm down before threatening violence to a fucking kitten.”
This escalated his anger, and he started texting back how he won’t really hurt her, but he doesn’t want her to track litter everywhere. My sister responded “Maybe you can keep your door closed while she stays with her so it’s a safe space away from cat hair and kitty litter.”
We heard him yell from upstairs and he turned off his phone.
this is god tier trolling, and i’m in genuine awe of it
myblog 