the thing that pisses me off about 50 shades of grey isn’t that it’s twilight fanfiction, it’s that it’s bad ooc twilight fanfiction. the implication that edward would be into bdsm is so fucking dumb he’s a 100 year old virgin who cried and went into a week-long depression the first time he fucked bella he wouldn’t even consider the idea of fucking her until they were married because he didn’t want to compromise his virtue and you’re telling me he’s a dom? no, edward cullen has the most boring vanilla sex ever the only thing unconventional about the way bella and edward fuck is that bella tops and edward cries the whole time and bella gets fed up and goes to the other house to fuck rosalie and edward cries some more in his room alone
Wanna make a Jurassic Park parody called Cambrian Aquarium where it’s just the exact same plot but instead of dinosaurs it’s a bunch of marine invertebrates from the Cambrian
I want to point out that they don’t kill people. Instead you get scenes like:
“Sir, the security systems are all shutting down!”
[cut to a shot of a bunch of trilobites scuttling around on the floor]
the lights flicker and the power dies, a herd of screaming interns pelts down the hallway, fleeing the high-security wing which houses the most vicious and powerful predator of the entire age. the music swells as…
the three-foot-long shelled predator Anomalocaris flops awkwardly around the corner, wiggling its mouthparts ferociously
This sounds like a movie that very well could have been made in the 1930s.
I love the huge cultural differences in Space Marvel™… Asgardians like speak in iambic pentameter and use beatiful, eloquent words and then the guardians are like “y’all’d’nt’ve’f’i’dn’ve!”
Loki: our cruel and terrible sister, Hela, Goddess of Death, emerged from the unknown and brought upon our land a storm of suffering and chaos, the likes of which have never been previously known to civil creatures
Rocket: anyway this dickhead Taserface threw me in his pirate-ship prison cell lmao it was nasty
Valkyrie, Lady Sif: we are classically trained, elite, and highly effective warriors, who are equal parts dignified, celebrated, and feared
Nebula: lmao what if I cut off my own hand – oh my god I’m gonna do it, watch this
Thor: welcome to Asgard, the most beautiful and prosperous of all the nine realms!
Peter: here’s our ship, it’s tiny and disgusting but it’s all we have, we love it
Heimdall: Never before has an intruder slipped past me. I want to know how.
Drax: *laughing loudly w his head thrown back* If you kept your floors dry the intruder would not have slipped on his way past you!
Hela: Tremble before me, Asgard, as I usher in the dawning of a new age! We shall once again become the conquerors of the universe!
Groot: I am Groot.
One is a high fantasy book. The other is a dnd game
Our final trial before getting to see the boss is two doors. Between them, on a toadstool, is a medium-sized toad. He tells us, “One door leads to hope, and one door leads to death.” We confer for about two seconds before silently deciding we’ve had it up to here with this testing shit and Godking picks up the toad, carries him over to the right-hand door, and instead of leaving it there when the toad starts panicking, hurls him through, where the creature dies horribly. We take the left-hand door. The DM has informed us that this was his favorite solution to the two-doors problem.
I still can’t get over how Naruto is literally named after the little pink spiral thingies you get in ramen noodles
the western equivalent would be like naming your kid fucking Crouton
MY NAME IS CROUTON AND IM GONNA BE PRESIDENT SOMEDAY BELIEVE IT
It gets better: Narutomaki, the aforementioned topping, is named for the whirlpools in the region it originated from. His last name, Uzumaki, means vortex/spiral. So the kid’s name is basically whirlpool vortex, or if you really want to simplify it, spiral spiral.
Naruto Uzumaki joins Remus Lupin in the Moon Moon Category of naming.
1) Explicitly bi woman played by bi actress gets lady love interest, and it’s played as adorable and a little hilarious and not weird and not titillating.
2) There are zero white people in this scene and it’s so normal on this show I almost missed that fact. (The other actor in this scene is Terry Crews)
3) All sapphics are useless around pretty women: confirmed
4) Gina Rodriguez is in a hoodie and a t-shirt and some comfy jeans and cute ankle boots. Zero hyper sexualization/male gaze. Still confirmed as gorgeous and sexy.
5) Color Me Badd is playing, which is legitimately what plays in my head when *I* see a pretty girl, so thank you for hitting my demographic super hard, show.
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