been watching livestreams of US news channels lately and
1) they have a LOT of commercial breaks
2) i didn’t realize that ads for medicine were actually like this
ppl keep reblogging this and asking “well what are the medicine ads like in your country” and like…there aren’t any? It’s literally illegal to advertise prescription medicine here?
All of America: God I wish that were me
So who’s gonna tell the Not America part of the world about our legal ads for class action lawsuits against drug companies.
*deep breath* the whAT NOW?
Yep. The ads run on tv like
“Hi. This is Rathford and Tyson law firm. We’re representing a class action lawsuit on behalf of people who were prescribed sybelifex for their asthma. It turns out that sybelifex can cause spontaneous bleeding from every orifice and also super cancer. If you or a loved one has been affected by sybelifex, please contact us at xxx-xxx-xxxx or go to our website at sybelifexmurderedmydog.com.”
Those are totally normal here.
If you or a loved one has been affected by Mesothelioma, you may be entitled to compensation. CALL NOW to see if you qualify!
This is that weird abstract millennial humour that we all laugh at and older generations squint at shouting “I don’t understand the joke!! I think I’ve missed something!!”
definitely click through to the “read more”, i laughed so much!
As funny as this is, as someone who has met a European badger, all I can say is at least the American one has the decency not to hide the fact that it will tear your kidneys out via your toes if you so much as look at it funny.
This was my response to THIS VERY TWEET
One of the biggest shocks of my life was realizing that American badgers look like THAT
ill gladly retell it but it sounds like complete horseshit, the only thing i have to prove myself is the fact that i made all those lying on the internet compilations because i hate people who bullshit this stuff and ive studied them enough to know that if i wanted to fabricate my own i would have made this way less stupid and more believable. ANYWAY
in like 2006 or 7 i was really into metalocalypse and made a myspace page for my fan character and there was a handful of people who roleplayed as the members of dethklok so i friended and interacted w them as my OC, they had a little following so when people saw us interacting on bulletins or tagging each other they would come and friend me (my OC), obv not knowing its a 13 year old doing it cause all the pics were just drawings of her
so this one guy friended me and immediately formed a weird obsession with my character and would constantly comment on her stupid myspace pics (again – drawings, and not very good ones) with shit like “you look good” “sexy” “we could be together if this was Cool World” and would occasionally message me with more or less the same sentiments but i didnt wanna talk to a random greasy stranger so i never responded with more than a “thx”
he went silent after a while and i didnt think much of it until a couple weeks later he shot me another message to the tune of “hey babe im sorry ive been quiet my wife found our messages and kicked me out” and thats how i ruined a marriage through my metalocalypse OC
heres one of the pics that was on her profile for full contextual ambience
a man was willing to destroy his marriage for this
is just too big a stretch for my suspension of disbelief. Magic, unicorns, childhood trauma manifesting as a physical representation of destruction- that’s all cool.
But don’t try to make me believe that Jude Dumbledore Law wanted to grind on Coleslaw Head up there.
THIS
TEA
I mean, would you rather have that this mayonnaise vampire or would you rather have
him?
i mean, the dewy eyes, the salt and pepper, the slight five o clock shadow, the square jaw, the perfectly manicured eyebrows… and he doesn’t look like he’s going to die at any moment
if i looked like my mustache attended KKK rallies, i’d probably transfigure myself to look like Colin Farrell too
little bit of Jewish history: for several centuries, Jews didn’t have fixed, hereditary surnames. they went by “Name son of Father” or similar. Ashkenazi Jews mostly didn’t start taking on surnames until the 18th and 19th century, when surnames were made a condition of being recognized as citizens of modern nations. and apparently there was one Jew in Germany who thought hey, if we’ve got to take it a surname, let’s make it a damn good one.
and the fun doesn’t stop there. roughly translated, this name means “Ages ago, there were conscientious shepherds whose sheep were well tended and carefully protected against attack by their rapacious enemies. Twelve hundred thousand years ago there appeared before these first earthmen, at night, a spaceship powered by seven stone and iridium electric motors. It had originally been launched on its long trip into stellar space in the search for neighboring stars that might have planets revolving about them that were inhabitable and on which planets a new race of intelligent humanity might propagate itself and rejoice for life, without fear of attack by other intelligent beings from interstellar space.”
and then this gentleman’s great-great-grandson was given a 26-word “first name” featuring names beginning with each successive letter of the alphabet: Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus.
but of course that’s impractical for everyday use, so he often went by the name Hubert B. Wolfe + 666, Sr. he was born in Germany in 1904 or 1914, emigrated to Philadelphia, and died in 1997.
Imagine being an uber driver and while giving some teen and his uncle a ride you end up getting pulled into a hostage situation/anti government rebellion forces
Han Solo did not sign up for this
To be fair, in this metaphor, the uber driver is in trouble with the local mob boss because he was ferrying cocaine and dumped it out the window when it looked like he might get pulled over, so…
So the uber driver hooks up with the sister of the guy who first hires him, and it turns out that their dad is the Deputy Sheriff, and things go downhill even faster than previously imagined when they hit up a local truckstop for a bite to eat, fuel drop and impromptu family reunion.
Truckstop’s run by an old friend who he won his car off that one time, and the dude’s hitting on the chick he’s hooking up with and it’s like come on man, don’t do this to me but then the girl’s dad is there and he gets hit over the head and shoved into the trunk of the cop car and it’s like oh, shit. Fuck. Chewie man, don’t let them take my car!
And then the kid, who had never been off the farm before he hired you, comes back with Green Beret-level skills to bust you out of jail and his sister, who was honestly kinda preppy, straight up MURDERS the mob boss. And then you get the plans to the DOD’s biggest single piece of equipment so you go to the middle of nowhere where it’s being built and you have some trouble with the locals, but somehow the annoying nerd speaks their language and manages to impress them, so you work together to infiltrate the military base. Oh, and the kid lets himself get captured so he can talk to his dad, and after a knock-down drag-out fight, the dad realizes that he’s been played his entire adult life by the corrupt politician overseeing everything, so he chucks the politician down the maintenance shaft of said politician’s high-rise just before it gets destroyed by the rebels, led by your friend in your truck that he borrowed with the promise that he wouldn’t put a scratch on it, but he knocks off your side mirror getting out of there.
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