Tag: funny

hraap:

writing-prompt-s:

A knight in shining armor outsmarts the dragon and climbs to the highest tower, only the princess locked away at the top of the tower is… a lesbian.

“Oh thank god,” Thomas says, laying his helmet down. “Because I kept thinking on the climb up here that this was going to be a really awkward first meeting, and its stupid to expect you to fall in love with me just because I saved you.”

Lucinda gives him a surprised look. “You’re rather weird. Usually I get guys that demand I fall in love with them because they ‘saved’ me. Which by the way, you didn’t actually do.” She jabs a thumb towards the direction of the dragon. “She’s trained. I tell her to keep assholes away from me, but if I tell her to let you in, she won’t do anything to you.”

“Oh.” Well now he feels a bit better. “But um, the whole lesbian thing? I uh… god this is going to sound weird, but would you consider dating my sister if I brought her to you?”

Lucinda blinks, opens her mouth, and then shuts it. She finally settles on, “Is your sister cute?”

“Um, I don’t know? I mean to me she is, because she’s my sister. But um.”

“Describe her.”

“Red hair, freckles, five foot… two, I think? Likes to make dresses and pretty headdresses out of flowers, her favorite activity is scrapbooking. She’s nineteen and looking for a nice girl to settle down with.”

Lucinda admits, she sounds tempting. “Fine, I’ll meet her. But why are you acting as the go-between for your sister’s love life, exactly?”

Thomas grimaces. “Dad wants to marry her off, and she’s… kind of a lesbian too. Except dad thinks if he throws her at the right dick, she’ll suddenly want that, so… yeah.”

Lucinda cackles.  “Oh my god, you climbed a tower to wingman for your sister?”

“Um, yes?”

She stands, brushes her dress off. “I like you. Show me this cute little sister of yours. We’ll take the dragon – let’s see what that old man of yours thinks when a stolen princess shows up riding a dragon wanting to marry his daughter.”

“I think he’ll have a heart attack.”

“Even better. Now let’s move. Pudding, come!”

“You named your dragon Pudding?”

indigobluerose:

airyairyquitecontrary:

jeffer-sin:

what’s the difference between ninjas and stage crew?

ninjas move silently around walls, stage crew moves walls around silently.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS SO GREAT

The depiction of ninjas as dressed all in black comes from traditional Japanese theatre.  Actual historical ninjas didn’t dress in black because it’s conspicuous as hell in the daytime and even at night in the dark a person dressed in solid black tends to stand out; dark grey or blue is better for hiding in shadows.  Usually they just wore ordinary, like, people clothes which are far better for blending into your surroundings in than a specialised professional costume.

BUT YOU KNOW WHO DID DRESS ALL IN BLACK LIKE THAT

the stage crew in a theatre

and it was a generally accepted convention that the black-clad stagehands were invisible, so they could be on stage at the same time as the actors and move things around and the audience would just mentally CG them out

but then one day because a director was a GENIUS, during an otherwise normal performance of a play, suddenly a stagehand stepped forward, assassinated one of the main characters and then melted back into the background

THEY WERE A NINJA

AND THE AUDIENCE LOST THEIR MINDS BECAUSE IT WAS AMAZING

and eventually it lost its mind-blow value because after a while everyone had seen a play like that, so although the “stagehands wear black and are invisible” convention continued, the new “ninjas wear black and are invisible until they choose to strike” convention became established, and from then on fictional ninjas have just worn black because it looks so cool.

So in fact the answer to “What’s the difference between ninjas and stage crew?” is “You will never know until they stab you.”

Okay this is the first time I have heard the second half of this information and it’s so much better now.