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marriage is fucked up
Evil Spirit: FUCK, THERE’S 8 WOMEN ALL WEARING THE SAME COLORED DRESS AND ONE IN WHITE, FUCKING WHICH ONE IS THE DAMN BRIDE?! DAMN IT, FUCK THIS SHIT I’M OUT OF HERE
actually originally the bride and all the bridesmaids wore the exact same dress and veiled their faces heavily. Which one was exactly the bride wasn’t revealed until the very last minute.
I love this so much Groom’s bff: bro id die for u and ur wife Bride’s bff: lets confuse the fuck out of these spirits
“If anyone should have any reason why these two should not be wed they must first defeat the Best Man in single combat.”
Honestly in all of these stories these poetic white men who somehow end up immortal get so bored and miserable because they just sit in their mansion all day doing whatever it is they need to do in order to sustain their immortality and then they just throw lavish parties and organize orgies or whatever and then they’re like “why am I sad I eat three course meals and have at least one orgy daily what MORE could I POSSIBLY need??”
Like???? Damn go for a walk. Do you even KNOW your neighbors? Get a dog and take it to the park. Set up an elaborate fish tank. Go skiing like you’ve been alive for 200 years and you’ve spent 180 of it in your house looking at paintings and drinking wine with other rich assholes no wonder ur life sucks my man.
for some reason i definitely thought this was going to be one of those fuckin… infinite chocolate things. or like, some really weird trick involved. literally it’s just “put the tomatoes in some dirt and they grow into MORE TOMATOES 😱” which like… yea… that IS how plants work but i don’t know if it’s a life hack
THIS #LIFEHACK IS TOO POWERFUL YOU WILL LITERALLY GET AN ENDLESS SUPPLY
grocery stores hate him! local man discovers gardening
straight boys are weak and pathetic, queer girls walk into the ladies changing room and see ten women naked, do they stare? do they say something inappropriate? do they make them uncomfortable? no because they have the common fucking sense to recognise when a situation is sexual and that people deserve the most basic level of respect to not be harassed, yet here we are banning shorts and low cut tops in school because straight boys are weak and pathetic
okay i made this post this morning and it has since had eighty two thousand notes, it’s been featured on reddit, facebook, twitter i’ve been sent multiple death threats and messages that i don’t even want to describe
and i have to apologise
i’ve seen the error of my ways
straight boys are not ’weak and pathetic’
straight boys are weak, pathetic and fucking annoying
I pretend to be complex and clever but in reality, nothing has ever made me laugh harder than those bad Chinese subtitles from the bootleg Lord of the Rings DVDs. Tears streaming down my face, core aching, slowly suffocating because I’m laughing too hard.
also (because one can never have too many of these)
and my personal favorite:
I somehow forgot to add my own favorite, which is this one:
I also appreciate the ones that really change the tone and suggest that the characters openly loathe each other…
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