In CoS when they try to sneak into Myrtle’s bathroom to ask her about her death, McGonagall catches them and Harry makes up the excuse that they wanted to see Hermione in the hospital wing and Minnie doesn’t give them detention and then comes this and since we all know Harry’s dumbest excuse, here’s the official suggestion to rate all of Harry’s excuses on a scale from
Shrek makes infinitely more sense if you ascribe to the theory that everyone is a PC in an RPG, and Donkey’s player managed to avoid a boss battle by rolling a nat 20 to seduce the fucking dragon
“I want to be a half-ogre.”
“What? You can’t. They’ve seen your picture, and you’re a human.”
“The ogre half is at night.”
“Ok, now it’s time for the boss fight against Farquaad.”
“I have my dragon girlfriend eat Farquaad.”
“…you what?”
“I have my dragon girlfriend-”
“No, no, I heard you the first time. Look, I’m gonna roll a d20 and if it’s a 20 then the dragon will eat Farquaad.” -dice sounds-
*pinches the bridge of his nose* “Ok, so the boss is fucking dead now.”
“So i decided to fight robin and his merry men with my fists and kungfu” “Just like that? Well its your funeral.” Rolls dice for damage"the enemy mob is defeated instently because the pc focused most of their stats in strenght and agility"
So tonight I joined my parents, and the neighbours, at the local pub quiz. We won, and won the bonus round, much to the annoyance of the other teams. Apparently my parents and their friends win every other week. Nerds. So to prank them the landlord had a special “Super Hard Pub Question” for us for double or nothing on our prize (vouchers for a gallon of beer) to let the rest of the pub feel better because we were “guaranteed to lose” since there was “no way we could know the answer.” I got picked to answer it because I’m the youngest and have less General Knowledge.
The question?
“What is the word for beer in Ancient Egyptian?”
Pub: *loud raucous laughter and cheering*
Landlord: *looks smug*
Me: Do you want that in English or in the original Hieroglyphs?
Landlord: The hieroglyphs of course!
Pub: *more laughter*
Me: *scribbles quickly in the 10 seconds I had to answer*
Landlord: Fuck. Me.
Pub: *utter silence broken only by someone at the back exclaiming WTF*
Landlord: How did you even know that?
Me: You picked the one person here who can read them?
Landlord: Oh shit it’s you isn’t it?
Dad yelling from the back: SURPRISEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
It’s safe to say we’re simultaneously fucking legends/not very popular at the local right now.
😀
General knowledge can often be Very Specific Knowledge.
today at goodwill i found a kirk/spock au where kirk is a lowly redshirt
Okay no but this book.
Do you know how fucking long I hunted for a copy of the first edition of this book? I can’t remember the specifics, it’s been ages since I read it, but in the first edition it had some line that was basically confirming Kirk/Spock that was removed after the first printing.
oh my god are you telling me i found a piece of fandom history and i had no idea
I AM BACK AT GOODWILL AND IT’S STILL HERE AND IT’S A FIRST EDITION WITH GAY STUFF???? IT’S A DOLLAR?????? I’M
it starts out with wholesome hand-holding and boyfriends worrying about each other
they’re in an au now and kirk is an angry ensign with a drug problem
“being the top felt weird and wrong”
SOMETHING STIRRED INSIDE HIM
no matter the universe kirk can’t keep his shirt intact
THIS IS WHERE SHIT GETS REAL Y’ALL I CAN’T
THE MIND MELD IS BARELY EVEN A METAPHOR
KIRK WAS ASKING FOR IT
aaaaaaaaaaah
this is the best dollar i have ever spent and yes that includes bearllionaire
I’d heard about this as some sort of fandom urban legend – everyone heard about it, no one seemed to have hard copy. Nobody was sure if it was some unpublished fanfic, a first draft, vanity press, whatever.
And it’s real.
No one had a copy because Gene Roddenberry found out about the romantic undertones and forced Pocket Books to recall the first edition so that it could be drastically revised.
how free are we really, as human beings, to make our own decisions?
where should the line be drawn between heroism and cruelty?
ought the quest for individual honor to be prioritized over the lives of others?
questions i have:
what accounts for the bro code dissonance of agamemnon stealing achilles’s girl when he’s literally leading an army in a war that was started because paris stole his brother’s girl?
is diomedes single?
to the nearest thousand, how many heart emojis would achilles text to patroclus in an average day if the technology were available?
Me: I get my PhD so I can make reservations at fancy restaurants under “Dr. & Mrs.” then when they expect a man to show up, my gay ass will stroll in instead: hot intellectual wife on my arm. She’s wearing a cocktail dress & is also a doctor. Im smoking a Cuban cigar. their heteronormative wigs is snatched…
the big mans a lad i have fuck all, he lets me have a kip in a field he showed me a pond
I think my favorite part is how the first three are totally comprehensible to a modern reader, and then the fourth one is just “Wait, what?” You can practically see where William the Conqueror came crashing into linguistic history like the Kool-Aid Man, hollering about French grammar and the letter Q.
TIL that a cat once co-authored a physics paper. In 1975, a physicist had just finished writing a paper and was ready to publish but realized that he had used ‘we’ instead of ‘I’ throughout, despite being the sole author. Not wanting to edit the paper, he listed his cat, Chester, as a co-author.
Ok but the best part is, physicists loved the joke. When people called the author’s university and he wasn’t available, they’d ask to speak with the co-author instead. The author issued a limited number of copies of the article signed by both authors. (Chester’s was obviously a pawprint.) And to this day, physics papers will often have F.D.C Willard (Felix Domesticus, Chester Williard [Willard was the author’s father’s name]) mentioned in the footnotes thanking his “useful contributions to the discussion”.
myblog 