Tag: funny

heterokatedison:

sodomymcscurvylegs:

algo-hermoso:

ingtarwolf:

turnipfritters:

remember how malia obama never tweeted incriminating emails of herself colluding with foreign powers. i miss that.

No she just smoked weed while being guarded by federal agents. But please. Keep acting like either side has a right to the moral high ground.

You’re really fucking stupid if you think a teenager smoking weed is comparable to a grown adult colluding with foreign powers to shift the election.

I’M SCREAMING, THIS PERSON REALLY THOUGHT SMOKING WEED AND TREASON ARE ON PAR!

marzipanandminutiae:

feels-for-the-fictional:

satanpositive:

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

I have been waiting for this post all my life.

They are indeed purple,
But one thing you’ve missed:
The concept of “purple”
Didn’t always exist.

Some cultures lack names
For a color, you see.
Hence good old Homer
And his “wine-dark sea.”

A usage so quaint,
A phrasing so old,
For verses of romance
Is sheer fucking gold.

So roses are red.
Violets once were called blue.
I’m hugely pedantic
But what else is new?

sgt-phoenix:

the-touchy-feeley:

gingersnapwolves:

copperbadge:

resplendeo:

team-free-will-on-skaro:

spooky-ophelia:

kiyala:

isozyme:

Remus Lupin: Sirius you did what.

Inspired by this post and others by lotstradamus

#i want the 50k story of facepalming remus and panicked sirius with kidnapped baby harry on the run from dumbledore (via meh-guh)

theboredomisdeadly

Ok but hasn’t it been shown that a single stupefy wouldn’t be enough to have an effect on hagrid due to his giant blood?

clearly this means that hagrid pretended that the stupefy knocked him out, gently laid down on the ground so the baby wasn’t jostled, and pretended to snore while sirius ran the fuck away

possibly interrupting himself mid-snore to offer advice

*Hagrid sits up*

“SUPPORT ‘IS LI’IL HEAD, YE GREAT IDIOT!” 

*lies down*

*Sirius climbs on motorbike*

*Hagrid sits up again*

“DON’ FERGET TO BURP ‘IM AFTER A FEEDIN!”

*Motorbike zooms off*

*Hagrid sits up, cups hands and yells*

“AN’ MAKE SURE ‘E SLEEPS ON ‘IS BACK!” 

*lies down again for another five minutes for good measure*

then he lies there mumbling about how he shouldn’t’ve said that

This is fucking fantastic

This screams Hagrid like nothing else and I am dying

dark-haired-hamlet:

Look, I know this oddly-worded Washington Post headline is really about millennials killing the restaurant industry with their loud speaking voices, but it reads like we’re about to have a major lesbian hearing loss epidemic. My mother was scandalized this morning and I’m still laughing hours later.

runcibility:

end0skeletal:

Tremoctopus is a genus of cephalopods, containing four species that occupy surface to mid-waters in subtropical and tropical oceans. They are commonly known as blanket octopuses, in reference to the long, transparent webs that connect the dorsal and dorsolateral arms of the adult females. The other arms are much shorter and lack webbing.

Tremoctopus violaceus exhibits the most extreme degree of sexual size-dimorphism known in any non-microscopic animal. Females may reach 6.6 feet in length, whereas the males are around one inch. The last photo shows a close up of the male octopus.

(Sources: x x x)

❤