me nervously opening an email i just got from my old creative writings class teacher titled Class Isn’t Over Folks that he sent at exactly 1:25am in the morning on a Monday
what the fresh hell
this is such a golden opportunity omfg i need to know what happens next
Okay, this thing’s core concept is so stupid that it feels like a parody of bad kids movies, which is why I urge you to watch this with no further explaination…
At first I was thinking “This actually looks kinda good. I wonder what OP’s problem with it is.
and then THAT happened.
I wanna shake this casting directors hand
what the fuck
Oh. Wow.
I……ok, I kinda wanna see this? XD
…I really want to watch this.
“Hmm. Cool” “Eh, i don’t really know what they’re talking about. Is it the Hollywood physics?” “Oh ok it has that thing like squirrels ok ok” “Well i don’t think there’s anything wrong with— what” “Wh- what is- whatvis going on- what” “WITH WHO?” “AND WHO?”
Art forgery is the best crime tbh. It requires absolutely incredible artistic talent, technical skill, and attention to detail to make convincing fakes. Does anyone get hurt from it? No! The only people who suffer for it are the extremely wealthy who want the prestige of having original paintings in their own homes. It’s full of international intrigue and mystery. Perfect.
Also… art forgers like van Meegeren sometimes become a kind of folk hero. A swindler, sure, but a gentleman’s swindler.
I liked this guy’s story, Mark Landis, who conned several dozen museums into displaying his forgeries, but when the FBI came after him they couldn’t do anything because he had always given them away as donations. They said if they could have found that he’d ever taken anything in exchange they would have prosecuted him, but all he wanted was get to out of the house and meet people.
“The first painting Landis “donated” was a copy of a work by Maynard Dixon, an artist well-known for his paintings of cowboys and Indians. It started as impulse, Landis says, but then “everybody was just so nice and treated me with respect and deference and friendship, things I was very unused to — I mean, actually not used to at all. And I got addicted to it.””
And it looks like all his forgeries are done with cheap materials, like markers and Hobby Lobby frames.
Ok, but Wolfgang Beltracchi is probably one of the best Fraud Artists in the world.
His career brought him millions upon millions of dollars and lasted almost 40 years. He finally admitted to painting fraudulent art after the white paint he used came under scrutiny.
“ Bob Simon: What do you think this Max Ernst would be worth? Wolfgang Beltracchi: This one? Simon: Yeah. Beltracchi: $5 million, I think. Simon: $5 million. And you can do it in three days? Beltracchi: Yeah, oh yes, yes, sure, or quicker”
-From a 60 minutes interview with Bob Simon
In The interview with Beltracchi, he said that none of his forgeries are copies, they’re all original works that the famous artists could have painted.
His wife was also in on the scam, she would dress up in old clothing and take pictures holding the paintings with old cameras to fake proof of the paintings’ ages.
At the end of the interview with Wolfgang Beltracchi he was asked if he felt he had done anything wrong, his answer was “ Yeah, I used the wrong kind of paint”
Just … the levels of con there, the fake photos and … wow. That’s incredible.
Heroes
Also fun fact we learned in class today: Michelangelo carved a sculpture of a Roman god, broke off the arm, and then buried it. The sculpture was dug up and was considered to be an authentic Roman artefact, until Michelangelo came along with the missing arm and called shenanigans on himself, just to prove he was as skilled a sculptor as the ancient Romans.
This is the man you must fight at the gates of Valhalla to prove you’re worthy of that mighty hall
It somehow gets crazier. this teenager trained for months. he staged fights in his parents’ swimming pool to train for this epic match. he choose halloween night for the final showdown. and it was for a school project. he could have chosen any seafood, but he decided on, in his own words, “that big fucking octopus.” magnificent bastard.
Y’all missed the part where he dragged it ashore and divers saw him, got upset and sent some pretty rough stuff to his family. Then, at the Washington Fish and Wildlife meeting, he showed up and was like “yeah, it should be protected.”
Except that the giant pacific octopus is nowhere near extinct and actually doing just fine.
So not only did he wrestle, kill, and eat a giant octopus– he got it protected from hunting in several locations even though the species doesn’t need protecting.
Fucking legendary indeed.
So the only person they need protection from is this guy.
…what sort of school project requires you to wrestle sea life?
That’s just how Washington is
to be clear, the school project was to “draw something from nature.” nobody asked him to wrestle an octopus.
…now, I have misunderstood the spirit of a lot of art projects before but
“Miller actually has four goats, he explains on our walk over to the periwinkle blue barn. He’s holding a blue tin of American Spirit tobacco (which he never opens) and a mug of thick, brownish liquid that is “full of greens and adaptogens and plant-based proteins that fill one with energy and vivaciousness,” he says. “We would call it The Juice of the Biggest Boy.” Miller himself is quite slender, with the high cheekbones and perfect jawline of a Victorian prince. For this long day of goat birth, he has chosen to wear a Bikini Kill T-shirt, black pants, light green winter boots from L.L. Bean, and a floor-length, paint-splattered Alexander McQueen coat. (“If I think about what [McQueen] would want me to do while wearing this coat—fucking be a midwife at a goat birth? Fuck yeah!” he says later. “Would he have been mad if some amniotic fluid got on this? No! He would have been delighted.”)”
—
Ezra Miller Is the Gender-Bending, Goat-Delivering Hollywood Star of the Future (Allie Jones)
“GOAT BIRTH, GOAT BIRTH, IT IS COMING, IT IS COMING,” he cries, pumping
his right fist in the air. “GOAT BIRTH, GOAT BIRTH, YOU CANNOT RUN, YOU
CANNOT HIDE, IT’S GOAT BIRTH, GOAT BIRTH, NO ESCAPING, NO ESCAPING, GOAT
BIRTH!”
That goat birth quote is real, y’all.
The lack of goat photos in this article, however, is deeply disappointing.
Condition your teacher to get the fuck out of the class
Think about this in the context of performing feminity. So many women deny that they have been influenced to shave, wear makeup, wear heels, etc and claim they do it for themselves. But when you are receiving compliments and are getting treated better when you do those things, you are definitely being influenced.
– everyone answering “no, i’m fred” to “are you [insert Y/N]” even hermione
– everything draco does ever
– calling blast ended skrewts “power bottoms”
– calling newt scamander bad variations of his name like nerd sandwicher etc
– colin creevey using that one picture he managed to get of hermione punching draco as a reaction image
– shouting “spank me daddy” at the whomping willow
– [pointing at random object] that’s a portkey
– every single cat is professor mcgonagall
why
– POTTER
– ever since snape’s “bottle fame, brew fortune” speech students just go on and on with it – “flambé success, bake brilliance” “Can you tutor me in charms?” “TUTOR you? I can teach you how to SAUTÉ EXCELLENCE.”
– [random object] is totally a hufflepuff
– remember that game where someone yells “SHATNER” and you have to overact? same thing except it’s “TRELAWNEY” and you have to use whatever you’re holding to make a ludicrous prediction
– a more popular variation is “LOCKHART” to make up a pompous story about using whatever you’re holding to drive the [monster] out of [town]
– calling hippogriffs “leggy birbs”
– “Our beloved headmaster Albert Dumpsterfire/Aqueous Disillusionment/Aberdeen Decapitation…”
– shitty incantations ( “The Graying Hair Charm? Make-me-bloody-ancient-osia.” )
reblogging for albert dumpsterfire xD
-the dumbledore one, except you keep adding incorrect names, like albert pensive wallace herbert richard flamingo sherbet tango luthor…
-*peeves appears* IT DAT BOI
-”i’d rather be petrified”
-”so a shack gets to scream and it’s all normal and haunted, but when i do it i’m disturbing class and a nuisance”