AU: Padmé lives. She creates the Rebellion to fight against the Empire and Darth Vader, but makes the hard decision to separate them to keep them as safe as possible. As a leader of the Rebellion, she takes charge of the mission to destroy the superweapon built by the Empire that threatens the entire galaxy. With a victory on the horizon, she takes an opportunity to reunite her family.
Wait a second … “my mother, my step-father”? Did Padmé survive and remarry Bail or what?
Oh, boy! Here’s some SW lore from before the release of the Prequels! We’re talking somewhere around 1995-1998 here! *dons lore cloak, cracks knuckles* Okay!
Carrie Fisher is amazing by totally disregarding the bullshit ending of Revenge of the Sith where Padme dies (which is a MAJOR continuity problem – seriously, all Lucas had to do was rewatch his own materialso he didn’t contradict himself in the prequels, or pull a Willy Wonka maneuver and have a contest where the winners would get to read the script and check for continuity and consistency, but that didn’t happen and the result was to butcher the strong-willed, intelligent Padme we see in Episode I to an out-of-character, dumbed down barefoot-and-pregnant secret wife. The worst offense was the removal of all of her scenes from Episode III wherein she literally began the Rebellion with Bail Organa and Mon Mothma. But, I’m getting off topic.) By killing Padme, George Lucas and the ending of Episode III went and pulverized continuity like Tarkin blew up Alderaan.
*Note: I am well aware that this has been retcon’d to a rather insane degree. Doesn’t mean the initial offense doesn’t still aggravate me. Moving on here with the lore.
YES, PADME ORIGINALLY MARRIED BAIL ORGANA:
In Return of the Jedi, Leia and Luke have a conversation about “remember[ing their] mother, [her] real mother,” and Leia immediately replies that “she died when I was very young…She was very beautiful, kind, but sad.” In original interviews before making the prequels was even a notion to George Lucas, he had stated that Leia’s mother married Bail Organa shortly after giving birth and handing Luke off to Obi-Wan, and she and Leia lived with Bail on Alderaan, effectively hiding herself and her daughter from the Empire by both of them appearing to be the real parents of Princess Leia, and thus hiding both of their identities from the Empire, and especially from Darth Vader. She was smart, she survived Anakin being an abusive shit to her, she fled the dangerous situation she was in by being Anakin’s wife and the mother of his children, and she raised her daughter with Bail under the shadow of the Empire right out in the open, and encouraged Leia to become a member of the Imperial Senate. Padme was a total, defiant, and strong badass character, but here came the editing in Revenge of the Sith, and she became helpless, weak, and literally “lost the will to live” because her husband turned to the Dark Side. Are you fucking serious!? That is not Padme – she was stronger than that. She was *intended to be stronger than that.* Even though she never actually had a name until Episode I was released, not even in the novelizations of the original trilogy.
For Reference: If you still have a copy of the Star Wars Character Encyclopedia that was released before the prequels were made you can find all kinds of stuff like this! (I do have one of these elusive books, but not readily available, otherwise I’d be citing page numbers and shit here!) The Character Encyclopedias were revised following the release of Phantom Menace onward, to remove all contradictions found therein – I looked once in a bookstore when I was really fucking bored and had some spare time to waste.
Here are my ultimate favorite gems (i.e. the things that were changed that pissed me off the most, other than the topic of Padme, which I’ve already covered) from the original encyclopedia, the one published pre-release-of-the-prequels’ character encyclopedias:
THE BATTLE OF MUSTAFAR:
This one is a fun read. Mustafar wasn’t even a planet’s name in this encyclopedia then! Does it seem out of character to you that Obi-Wan just walks away while Anakin burns on the edge of the lava and missing three limbs and screaming in pain? Well, itactually is out of character because originally during that fight, Obi-Wan pushes/kicks Anakin from a ledge and directly into the lava! In Obi-Wan’s mind, there is no way Anakin would survive that. Obi-Wan does not leave tasks and missions unfinished, but in Revenge of the Sith, he leaves his most important mission unfinished – which is out of character and not how that battle was originally planned. So, when he determined Anakin would in no way survive falling into lava, he leaves. He still leaves too early to see the Emperor force-levitate Anakin out of the lava to safety. THAT is why Anakin needed his iron-lung suit to live – not because he barely has any natural limbs left and thus needs replacement ones, but because his entire body and lungs are burned so badly that only machines/his suit can keep him alive – which is why he dies moments after Luke takes off his mask in Return of the Jedi. Also, for Obi-Wan – who is notably a compassionate and merciful character throughout the entire saga – it would be against his entire character to leave Anakin lying there burning on the ground like that without either saving his life, or killing him so that he did not suffer. He certainly wouldn’t just simply walk away, knowing Anakin, his former student, a close friend for many years, is lying there literally on fire, and suffering in agony. It’s not in character for Obi-Wan to do this, to leave like that and in that situation. He would only leave when he was certain that Anakin had died or that he couldn’t possibly survive – like for example, after being pushed into lava. But Episode III just totally messed that up and completely screwed with both Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Vader, there.
WHO THE HELL IS OWEN LARS?
This changed too! I distinctly recall this being on Page 91 of my copy of the aforementioned SW Character Encyclopedia, but was later completely contradicted by the time Attack of the Clones was released.
(Even more fun factoid about this: There was a young adult book series called Jedi Apprentice, and in one of those books – I think either the third or fourth in the series – detailing Obi-Wan’s time as Qui-Gon’s apprentice [which is also a continuity problem in itself because of Obi-Wan’s line in The Empire Strikes Back when he tells Luke to go to Dagobah, “There you will learn from Yoda, a Jedi Master who instructed me,” implies that Yoda, not Qui-Gon, was Obi-Wan’s primary teacher/Master. But…*sigh* okay, this is true “from a certain point of view” I suppose, but Ben/Obi-Wan’s confusion about this makes him look like he needs some ginkgo to keep his memory in top shape! But the Yoda-should’ve-been-Obi-Wan’s-Master fuck up aside, there’s one more time George Lucas messed with Obi-Wan’s character, which I started to discuss in this paragraph but got sidetracked…and it’s this!] In those Jedi Apprentice books (the one I am referring to was published before Attack of the Clones’s release, keep in mind)Obi-Wan at one point recalls his home and his birth family, most notably recalling a younger brother. What, you say? Obi-Wan doesn’t have a younger brother. Actually, originally he did, as was confirmed in the Character Encyclopedias and EU books/novels published before the prequels were produced. That younger brother of Obi-Wan Kenobi? Owen Lars. Fun Fact: Obi-Wan’s birth name was Benjamin Lars, which is how we originally get Ben Kenobi. Yes, Obi-Wan and Owen were supposed to be blood-related brothers.Then Attack of the Clones went and fucked that all up by having Anakin and Owen be stepbrothers!
I mean, really, think about this: Do you think Obi-Wan Kenobi would be stupid enough to hide Luke with Anakin’s – excuse me, Darth Vader’s – stepbrother and not think that would be one of the first places the Emperor would look if he even suspected that either of Vader’s kids – who pose huge threats to himself as Emperor – survived!? That makes absolutely no fucking sense. Also, Obi-Wan is way smarter than not only to come up with such a shit plan but then to go through with such a shit plan. However, doing the original plan makes perfect fucking sense: Obi-Wan goes to his own brother, Owen Lars, and hides Luke there. Owen has nothing to do with and no connection to Anakin/Darth Vader, originally, so there is absolutely no reason for the Empire, the Emperor, OR Darth Vader to even give a womp rat’s ass about any of this! That’s why Luke was safe with Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru for so long – because the Empire had zero reason to give a fuck about them and their moisture farm. It also explained why Owen in the Original Star Wars (now known as A New Hope) refers to Obi-Wan as “that wizard’s just a crazy old man.” He does not like Obi-Wan. He thinks Jedi powers are akin to wizardry. He uses negative language about Obi-Wan – perhaps because he knows that his family was put in potential danger the moment Obi-Wan asked them to take Luke in. But more importantly, Owen – by repeatedly dismissing Obi-Wan as a reclusive crazy wizard – is deliberately trying to instill in Luke to also dismiss “Old Ben” as someone with whom Luke should not want to associate! Also, in the early encyclopedias, it is mentioned that Luke had encountered Obi-Wan once before his meeting him during the events of the first (A New Hope) film as a teenager, when he crashed his T-16 craft (you know the one we see him playing with in the equivalent of the family shed/garage?) and Obi-Wan rescued him and brought him back to Owen, where he tried to give Luke his father’s lightsaber at that moment…but Owen chased him from the property. THIS is why Owen repeatedly tries to dissuade Luke from going to the Academy. Not because he’s overbearing or a dick of a foster father/uncle…but because he is well aware that once Luke leaves the farm, Owen can’t protect him from his “crazy wizard” brother who Owen believes will shove Luke headfirst toward’s Anakin’s fate. None of this makes sense with Owen being a step-brother to Anakin that he meets once. But it certainly makes a hell of a lot of sense if Owen is Obi-Wan’s brother, knowing full-well what the Force is, how it works, how Jedi training separates families like his own, etc. Owen and Ben even look alike! But…then Attack of the Clones happened…
I think I’ve ranted long enough, which is too bad because I didn’t even get to discuss the entire idea of Bringing Balance to the Force. Next time, perhaps.
*End Note: This was written by someone who LOVES the Prequels, despite – or in spite of – the above flaws and problems. Don’t mistake the above for Prequel hate, because it’s not. I just dislike continuity problems and contradictions.
every time I see the words “Tolkien ripoff” in reference to fantasy I laugh, because while there’s a lot of Tolkien ripoff in worldbuilding it almost never crops up in plot or theme or characterization
like
where are my stories about the decay of the world from the glory of days gone by?
where’s the motif of limb loss?
where’s the longing for the return of something worth following?
where are the bloodthirsty oaths that tear sanity to shreds?
where are the evil spirits who try and destroy the gods with steampunk V-1 buzz bombs (looking at you, The Lost Road)?
where’s my continent-wide dialectical shift ending in massive arguments over the proper pronunciation of a name? where’s my family drama centered around sparkly rocks? where are my dragons the size of mountain ranges?
Tolkienesque Fantasy™: there’s a quest, the elves are bitchy, the dwarves drink a lot, farm boy hero.
Tolkien’s Actual Writing: absolute power corrupts absolutely, a little bit of power corrupts a little, to what extent are people responsible for their actions? does God/the gods really answer our prayers? and pacifistic undertones.
Also actual Tolkien: The world is full of hope even in dark times. Kindness and friendship are what heroes are made of. Absolutely do not fuck with nature or you will regret it.
Also actual Tolkien: actual heroes are little people who band together because it is right, and because they must.
Actual Tolkien: write your spouse into the story as an Actual Demigoddess whose song can charm even the Big Bad and the Keeper of the Dead themselves. Write your best friend into the story as a longwinded shaggy tree who takes hours to get to the fucking point.
Actual Tolkien: a true leader values peace rather than war, and is identified by their ability to heal rather than fight. We are all essentially shaped and guided by the past, what was done and what stories we know of it. We are part of that great ongoing story. Despair is the enemy; hope is never foolish.
I mean, seriously. Did you just see him disarm – heh – The Winter freakin Soldier in a single gauntlet and a damn three piece suit? And the little smirk when he takes the gun apart?
I definitely headcanon that Winter would remember this moment with a grudging awe. And maybe some feelings in his pants.
Tony Stark is BAMF in and out of the armor.
I love this scene. Those moves were so slick! The WS has dropped agents by the bunch, and a three piece suit asigned as non combatant disarms him (and delays him about as much as a former Red Room graduate).
Very nice reminder that Tony know his guns, and is far from helpless out of armor
Things I love about this gifset:
Tony Stark hop-skipping into an “I-brought-a-three-piece-suit-and-a-coolio-watch-to-a-gunfight” confrontation with the Winter Soldier
Tony Stark: The Smirk™
Tony Stark in general, love me the whole-ass man–
My favorite part of this bit?
Tony knows so very well that he isn’t a match in strength to this guy so instead of straight up hand to hand he goes after him like Nat, but he lacks her flexibility and combat prowess so he can’t confront him head on like her either.
So tony uses buckys own momentum against him, pivoting his arm in arcs back and forth to disperse any forward thrust Bucky could get to throw him immediately. He creates his own openings to get in buckys personal space by keeping his arm straight at the elbow to push it out of his way at the shoulder letting him past buckys deadly hands. Obviously this doesn’t last but its a really good snippet of tonys serious actual martial arts training (you can really see this in those gifs of rdj practicing wing chun with his trainer on the wooden standees)
also consider: LOTR but hobbits have Tapeta Lucidum
Boromir gets the fright of his life their first night on the road
Boromir: *glances over his shoulder* ??!!!!???!!
Hobbits:
Hobbits: what
i will never get over that you used an image of raccoons for this purpose because it is incredibly accurate
LOTR au but instead of hobbits literally raccoons
Gandalf: well this raccoon found the ring and has been carrying it around. unfortunately we can’t take it off him or he gets very bite-y. so I figure, the raccoon is the ringbearer now
Elrond: what are those other three raccoons doing here
Gandalf: he brought his buddies. I call this one ‘Merry’
Aragorn: *watching Frodo & Sam scamper off in the direction of Mordor* our hopes lie with those raccoons now
Legolas: do they… know where they are going
Aragorn: I sure hope so
Faramir: father why is this raccoon in the livery of the citadel
Denethor: haha doesn’t he look precious
Elfhelm: Dernhelm, is that a raccoon in your bag?
Dernhelm: *sweating nervously* Uh no, sir.
Eowyn, later: And I said no, you know, like a liar.
Denethor: WHY did you let a raccoon go off with the Ring??
Faramir: ….it just seemed like the right thing to do
Gandalf: he scratched you up real good huh
Faramir: ……………gouged my FUCKING arm and bit me on my face
Witch King: no living man can kill me – AUGH FUCK, RACCOON, RACCOON ON MY LEG ARGHHHH
Eowyn: *stab*
Wraiths break into the room at the prancing pony: *UnHoLy ScReEcHiNg*
Trash Panda Hobbits:
Wraiths: Oh, what the fuck, whAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
Treebeard: Baroom, humm, where are my small, impatient friends?
Merry and Pippin:
Don’t go where I can’t follow, Mr. Frodo.
~~~~~~The Hobbit interlude~~~~~~
Thorin:
You’re the burgular.Go on and…burgle something! Bilbo:
Saruman: Well since some fucking TREES took over Isengard I guess I’ll take over The Shire. Farmer Maggot and ever other Halfling down to the Sacksville-Bagginses:
Apparently Tolkien actually did have to specify that Hobbits look humanoid: “I picture a fairly human figure, not a kind of ‘fairy’ rabbit as some of my British reviewers seem to fancy…”
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