Hey, biology nerds! I know you’re out there, lurking, knowing facts.
If you were watching an underground/mountain-dwelling humanoid species evolve, like say, fantasy dwarves, what biological traits would you expect them to develop that are unlike those of humans?
For that matter, what might tall, desert-dwelling elves look like? Or small, hill- and forest-dwelling hobbits? I’m trying to get to something a little more interesting than “tall human”, “beard human”, and “short human”.
Dwarves:
Tapetum Lucidum
Third eyelids, if they do a lot of digging. Related, ears and nostrils that can seal – keep that loose dirt out of the mucous membranes!
Beards? Try vibrissae, or electro-sensitive or motion-sensitive hairs
Low body temperature and poor thermoregulation when above ground – use it or loose it re: high metabolic costs, and your underground environment doesn’t swing wildly
Related: increased photosensitivity
A mechanism for torpor or severe reduction in metabolic activity. This is a common adaptation in cave-dwelling and fossorial mammals, probably related to the thermoregulation thing above, and also the low oxygen concentrations and irregular food sources than can be available underground. tl;dr dwarves can hibernate
Something Weird and Off about upper arms and shoulder joints and musculature – digging requires a bunch of morphological specialization of the upper arms to be remotely energy-efficient
The ability to do that terrifying mountain-goat thing where they can scale and balance on 90 sheer vertical cliff faces
Elves:
If it’s a hot desert, dial the elf-ears up to fennec proportions for excess heat venting. Sweating is an inefficient use of water. Panting is better for evaporative cooling.
Very long, very dark, very thick eyelashes
You can actually re-use the third-lid and sealable nostrils and ears mentioned for dwarves. Keeping out sand is important!
Tolkien-hobbit-equse feet: large, flat, with unusually thick soles, if they’re walking on hot, shifting sand.
Some animals will ‘cry’ excess salt through specialized glands near the eyes, to either fix salt balance (seagulls) or to avoid wasting water in urination (roadrunners). Your main goal re: desert adaptation is water conservation, which means figuring out how to avoid peeing whenever possible in many cases. Mammals usually will concentrate uric acid into a pellet or paste, but the idea of elves with bright-white, reflective salt-lines down their faces is Aesthetic™ as hell.
I’m gonna lean on bug biology here cuz why not.
Underground dwarves:
-specialization to oxygen levels at different depths (can’t move easily between them?)
-daily and seasonal thermoregulation via moving higher and lower in the ground (or even into sun-catching, above ground mounds or mountainsides)
-vibrational hearing/communication through substrate? vibrational prey-seeking
-farming of fungus/aphids/ etc on plant root structures
Desert-elves:
-strongly nocturnal or crepuscular (dusk and dawn) activity cycles
-sensitivity to UV light— can feel/see it with their skin. helps them stick to shadows.
-seal the fuck out of any avenue for water loss
-burrowing
-postural thermoregulation by holding body far away from heat reflecting ground in day, close to heat-retaining ground at night
-some beetles stick their butts up in the air and absorb water vapor that way, that’s pretty fun
-estivation (summer hibernation)
Forest Hobbits
-Thicker pelts (fur or skin) to deal with undergrowth
-Food gathering and underground food storage
-Hibernation in cold winters, extra fat gain during warm season
-Climbing/arboreal
Thank you! Fascinating hobbit thoughts. Also elves just…slouch at night.
A great (if comical and sometimes kinda disturbing) example of dwarves that have evolved to be suited to underground life can be found in the Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer.
So someone asked me a million years ago to elaborate on what I’d do with a Wonder Woman TV show and I had an entire sub-section planned on “How do you solve a problem like Steve Trevor.”
This is definitely a better solution than anything I had considered.
In fact I’m even tempted to say we should do a whole run where he’s still her love interest despite this. Just, all of him, in aggregate, whichever one happens to be there. If one dies she freaks out and mourns and it’s like a South Park Kenny thing, she’s just back with the next one the next day. Her reaction to him never changes no matter who he is, like she doesn’t even notice he’s a person, he’s just a specific role in her story that could be filled by a sexy lamp if need be. See how uncomfortable we can make Grant Morrison.
elizabeth swan and will turner are actually SO romance in the first movie and not enough people acknowledged this because the early 2000s were the age of the edgelords who only valued jack sparrow’s moral ambiguity and that is the TRUTH
the part where she’s like “how many times do i have to tell you to call me elizabeth” and he shyly says “once more, miss swann” and once she walks away he gazes adoringly after her and whispers “elizabeth” to himself like he’s unworthy of it
then when he’s patching up the cut on her hand and she flinches and he says “i know, blacksmith’s hands… they’re rough” because he thinks that’s what’s bothering her HE KNOWS HE’S NOT WORTHY OF HER!!! THAT’S THE PINING I’M TALKING ABOUT BINCH!!! I DON’T ACCEPT LESS!!!!
he has like 10 chances to confess his love to her but waits until he’s dressed like this to do it:
my man knows 1) the importance of a good outfit when shooting your shot 2) how to ACCESSORIZE. take NOTES.
That’s how I would dress if I was gonna confess my undying love to Kiera knightley
It baffles and infuriates me that Hogwarts students don’t take Latin or Greek. Accio? Literally “I summon.” Lumos? Fucking “light.” Expelliarmus? Expel weapon!! Ooooh I wonder what Levicorpus does– you Dumb Ass Bastard. You ILLITERATE. It’s called Levicorpus, it lifts someone’s body, it LEVIES your goddamn CORPUS-
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