Yes, because when I wear professional attire and scrubs for a living, you’ll definitely be able to see my thigh tattoo. Having tattoos or piercings does not dictate your professionalism nor your intellect. Grow up.
nurse: “doctor we need to operate immediately or we’ll lose the patient”
me, a doctor: *already taking my scrubs off and changing into my Surgery Hot Pants™* “i know, i’m almost ready”
OR circulator: “alright doctor, we can proceed with this man’s life-saving surgery now that your thigh is fully visible and all tattoos in plain sight.”
Anesthesiologist: “this patient has no allergies to medications but does not want anyone cutting him nor injecting him if they have exercised very poor judgment and got a tattoo… you are cute, though.”
Me: *fists in the air, watching patient bleed out* “you win this time, death”
i just realized something: think about padme amidala’s public image. nobody knew she was married. nobody knew who anakin skywalker was at all–he was just some random jedi trainee, and by the time anybody would have started paying attention to him in the public eye, they would have known him as darth vader. to the public, anakin became a faceless villain who always was who he was, no fall from grace needed.
so, padme. i’m sure she had supporters across the republic. i’m sure her time as queen of naboo was EXTREMELY well-documented, and honestly, based on her rotation of outfits, she was probably a full-on celebrity. she was young and brilliant and a passionate defender of her people, and even though the empire seized power in the end, i wouldn’t be surprised if the rebellion decades later directly descended from the ideals of her followers.
but think about the circumstances of her death from the outside. people probably knew she was pregnant by some unknown father, of course, but this is a universe with robot doctors–saying “she died in childbirth” would probably be like saying “she died of the common cold” today. not something that happens, especially for a celebrity politician with unlimited resources. and there must have been a child, but what happened to it? did it die too? as a media narrative, it’s flimsy at best, ESPECIALLY considering the timing of her death.
padme amidala, the woman who ruled a planet at 14 and sat stony-faced while every other senator cheered on palpatine’s rise to power, died under mysterious circumstances just as the government she’d defended crumbled. from the outside, it seems pretty obvious that she was assassinated.
if this was a universe that at all made sense, padme amidala would have been a household name among republic loyalists. her tragically short life, her noble self-sacrifice for the ideals she believed in, would have been LEGENDARY. when the rebellion rose, she would have been the name on everybody’s mind–do it in her honor, people would have said. finish the fight she started.
i know we can’t go back in time and change the original trilogy, but the sequel movies? come on. don’t tell me darth vader is the only looming icon in this franchise.
To make it extra tragic – in the EU it mentions that the coroner used some kind of hologram technology to make it look like she was still pregnant at the time of her death, to protect the twins from the emperor and Anakin by telling everyone that the children had never been born. Padme Amidala’s death would have been the tragedy of the century, the face of the lost democracy.
Okay but what if that celebrity factor got used? By, like, everybody.
To the Naboo people, she’s their beloved Queen. To much of the galaxy, she’s a loved and admired public figure and stateswoman. To the Republic loyalists, she’s their martyred supporter, the vanquished—murdered, they think—face of Democracy. To the Empire, she’s a useful idol, the Emperor’s colleague, murdered, they say, by Separatist forces or by Jedi, tragically dead and conveniently silent, beautiful and glamorous and perfect for starting a cult of personality on her behalf.
And here and there, among the various cultures, there are religious concepts like sainthood, ancestor worship, legends of dead protectors coming to life again to fight when they’re needed. And conspiracy theories, and wishful thinking turned speculation, and the Star Wars equivalent of tabloid newspapers.
The result? Padmé is the most popular and famous woman in the galaxy, a combination of Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, Che Guevara, Joan of Arc, Elvis Presley, Arthur Pendragon, Chuck Norris, and the Virgin Mary.
One of the most important Imperial holidays is Amidala Day, devoted to celebrating service to the Empire, the official story of the Empire’s birth, the Emperor’s home world, and the heroic Queen and Senator whom Palpatine claims as his staunch supporter. People paint their faces and make elaborate hairstyles or headdresses and put on their fanciest clothes; there are plays, and parties, and traditional Naboo dances and foods.
Vader hates it. This is about 60% of why the Emperor has made such a production of it.
Among Republic loyalists, a different story is told: a Queen Amidala who loved peace and democracy, who opposed war and worked tirelessly for ceasefires and peace treaties, who stood silently or wept as all around her cheered the newborn Empire; a Queen Amidala who was murdered by the Empire so he could create the fiction of her support.
Vader hates this too. It feels uncomfortably true, and threatens to undermine his resolve that she would have been at his side had she lived.
Rebels paint images of her on their fighters, hang holos of her on their walls, wear icons of her as good-luck talismans. There are exhortations, penned semi-anonymously by people who knew her, that she would have wanted people to join and support the Rebellion. The minimalist image of eyes, cheek dots, and paint-split lips are graffiti’d onto public monuments accompanied by words from her speeches. “Amidala Needs You” is a common phrase on Rebel recruitment posters.
Vader hates this most of all.
Statues and icons of her are made in a hundred different artistic styles and adorn the altars of a thousand worlds’ faiths. Mythologies are written about her: she stopped a Separatist advance with words once, appeared in a dream to a slave telling her where her transmitter was hidden, shot five destroyer droids with pinpoint accuracy before they got their shields up, stormed her own palace to take it back from the Trade Federation, cheated death at the hands of the Empire’s assassin, escaped with the help of the last of the Jedi, is still out there somewhere, mourning for the Republic on some uninhabited planet somewhere, training in secret lost Jedi arts to kill the Emperor, working as a Rebel agent or a disguised vigilante.
Vader dislikes this. But he also seeks them out and reads them, when he’s in a certain mood.
The tabloids regularly claim that she’s been seen working as a roast-traladon restaurant in some backwater suburb of Corellia, or navigating a spice freighter to and from Kessel, or singing at a nightclub on Nar Shadda.
Vader dislikes this too. He has to talk himself out of keeping an agent or three just to visit the places in question and make sure.
He isn’t often in a position to see teenage girls with Padmé’s face emblazoned across their tunics, or walls with familiar face paint next to “So this is how liberty dies: to thunderous applause” printed next to it. When he hunts down Rebels with her image on a chain around their necks for luck, he can tear them apart with the Force: a quick death, which is, ironically, the luckiest outcome available to them. Tabloids and legends can be read and dismissed, and he’s never had the opportunity to happen upon the fanfiction.
But when the Emperor commands, Vader stands at his side through parades and parties and celebratory addresses to the Senate, with Padme’s image on banners and holos, with Padmé’s image on stage saying words Padmé never said, with all the women and half the men wearing Naboo royal face paint, and accepts the pain of memory almost like a form of self-harm.
And when the newly-elected Junior Senator from Alderaan with a quiet grace that reminds him of her and a fire in her eyes that reminds him of himself asks him, at some interminable party, if he knew what she was like, he troubles himself to answer honestly.
They find a book written in Latin… one guy doesn’t take Latin and doesn’t want to mess up the pronunciation. The girl is studying Mandarin. Another guy recommends sticking it into Google Translate but that’s likely to land them with gibberish. They leave it alone.
The car won’t start. They call an Uber.
The vampire captures the girl and insists that she wears the gown to dinner. The gown is actually hella cute. Only problem is it’s not in her size. Oh, it only comes in 2’s and 4’s? Sorry, vamp, you want me in that dress you contact the goddamn company and tell them to get their shit together.
“How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”
They encounter a spirit that gains power the more people believe in it. One girl makes a vine and uploads with, “fakest ghost ever!!! Right??” Twenty minutes later the spirit is destroyed.
The circus is in town tonight. Except she’s lived her whole life here and the circus has never come before… it’s also in a pretty sketchy part of town, not somewhere you’d want to walk alone at night. She goes to a movie instead.
“You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”
The Evil Whispery Voice of Doom tells the jock that it’s going to kill his pretty blonde girlfriend. The jock gets offended because, excuse me, Cindy and I are just friends. However, Marty over there is my boyfriend and I’m not saying you should kill him, just stop making assumptions yeah?
“This spirit tried to convince me it was Jerry when it texted but its texting style is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT so yeah that didn’t work.”
We could have easily gotten lost and ended up at some creepy cabin in the woods, but luckily we all had functioning GPSs. Beach party, we’ve arrived!
“We have to find a way to destroy it! We—what are you doing?” “Looking up ‘exorcising demons’ on Google. Oh look, first hit.”
The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.
“How can we possibly outwit this serial killer…” “… There’s gotta be an app for that. Lemme look.”
Only the virgin will survive… Turns out they’re all virgins. One is asexual. One wants to wait until marriage. Two just haven’t found the right person yet. One is meh about sex. So we all survive, yeah?
The girl does not fall. She was on varsity track.
“Quick! We need someplace to hide the artifact. And then decoys to confuse the beast! What have we got?” “… I’ve got a hundred plastic bags stuffed into another plastic bag.” “PERFECT.”
i would pay to read a book of a collection of modern horror stories
They’re trapped in a haunted cabin one of them inherited from a Weird UncleTM. Mysterious figures, things going flying, screams and drumbeats and chanting, blood pouring down the walls, the whole bit. They pull out the Ouija Board.
“BRO, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?”
S…A…C…R…E…D…L…A…N…D
“Oh.”
“Oh geez. Oh no. This is Native American land. Oh goodness I am SO sorry.”
“Um so, like I inherited this property and a couple acres, can I like…donate it?”
W…H…A…T
“Yeah man like, what tribe are you? I don’t want to live here, this cabin is grody and Uncle Tim was a fuckin’ weirdo. It’s your guys’ land, just like, what tribe?”
C..H…U…M…A…S…H
“Cool. Uh, I guess we’ll…call them…in the morning?”
T…H…A…N…K…Y…O…U GOODBYE
“Oh. Well fuck, like, that was easy.”
I was all set to dislike this when I saw the title, thinking it was gonna be another bashing of my generation post… then boom! Talk about saving the day!
From imdb: ”During the filming of some scenes for The Princess Bride, the weather became markedly cold for Robin Wright Penn. Andre the Giant helped her by placing one of his hands over her head; his hands were so large that one would entirely cover the top of her head, keeping her warm.”
All of the behind the scenes stories about Andre the Giant were adorable like this, Apparently Wallace Shawn is deathly afraid of heights, so he was freaking out while they were doing the scene scaling the cliff and Andre was like “it is okay, I’ll keep you safe.” there’s a behind the scenes thing on the DVD and everyone is choked up and misty eyed when they talk about working with him.
Andre the Giant was a radiant human being.
I’m so glad he gets to go down in history as everyones favorite giant. What a legacy!
It has come to my attention that Aquaman (2018) is just a shameless ripoff of the Mattel classic, Barbie: A Mermaid Tale.
We have the child of a mermaid queen and a regular human guy
who was brought up in the human world as a free spirit,
who talks to sea creatures,
who is fated to take over the throne of an underwater kingdom (where all the buildings are round and mushroom-y)
which is currently being occupied by an evil, power-hungry relative
with an army of sharks
And their unique position, straddling the human world and the underwater world, is at first a burden but ends up being their greatest strength
… I’m just saying
So what you’re saying is, basically, Aquaman is a Barbie Princess. Fair enough.
I’m more interested in the fact that Barbie made an Aquaman story (Aquaman came first sorry) but didn’t call it “Barbie as Aquaman” because i watched all the “Barbie as” movies when I was younger and this would have been amazing
Hey, biology nerds! I know you’re out there, lurking, knowing facts.
If you were watching an underground/mountain-dwelling humanoid species evolve, like say, fantasy dwarves, what biological traits would you expect them to develop that are unlike those of humans?
For that matter, what might tall, desert-dwelling elves look like? Or small, hill- and forest-dwelling hobbits? I’m trying to get to something a little more interesting than “tall human”, “beard human”, and “short human”.
Dwarves:
Tapetum Lucidum
Third eyelids, if they do a lot of digging. Related, ears and nostrils that can seal – keep that loose dirt out of the mucous membranes!
Beards? Try vibrissae, or electro-sensitive or motion-sensitive hairs
Low body temperature and poor thermoregulation when above ground – use it or loose it re: high metabolic costs, and your underground environment doesn’t swing wildly
Related: increased photosensitivity
A mechanism for torpor or severe reduction in metabolic activity. This is a common adaptation in cave-dwelling and fossorial mammals, probably related to the thermoregulation thing above, and also the low oxygen concentrations and irregular food sources than can be available underground. tl;dr dwarves can hibernate
Something Weird and Off about upper arms and shoulder joints and musculature – digging requires a bunch of morphological specialization of the upper arms to be remotely energy-efficient
The ability to do that terrifying mountain-goat thing where they can scale and balance on 90 sheer vertical cliff faces
Elves:
If it’s a hot desert, dial the elf-ears up to fennec proportions for excess heat venting. Sweating is an inefficient use of water. Panting is better for evaporative cooling.
Very long, very dark, very thick eyelashes
You can actually re-use the third-lid and sealable nostrils and ears mentioned for dwarves. Keeping out sand is important!
Tolkien-hobbit-equse feet: large, flat, with unusually thick soles, if they’re walking on hot, shifting sand.
Some animals will ‘cry’ excess salt through specialized glands near the eyes, to either fix salt balance (seagulls) or to avoid wasting water in urination (roadrunners). Your main goal re: desert adaptation is water conservation, which means figuring out how to avoid peeing whenever possible in many cases. Mammals usually will concentrate uric acid into a pellet or paste, but the idea of elves with bright-white, reflective salt-lines down their faces is Aesthetic™ as hell.
I’m gonna lean on bug biology here cuz why not.
Underground dwarves:
-specialization to oxygen levels at different depths (can’t move easily between them?)
-daily and seasonal thermoregulation via moving higher and lower in the ground (or even into sun-catching, above ground mounds or mountainsides)
-vibrational hearing/communication through substrate? vibrational prey-seeking
-farming of fungus/aphids/ etc on plant root structures
Desert-elves:
-strongly nocturnal or crepuscular (dusk and dawn) activity cycles
-sensitivity to UV light— can feel/see it with their skin. helps them stick to shadows.
-seal the fuck out of any avenue for water loss
-burrowing
-postural thermoregulation by holding body far away from heat reflecting ground in day, close to heat-retaining ground at night
-some beetles stick their butts up in the air and absorb water vapor that way, that’s pretty fun
-estivation (summer hibernation)
Forest Hobbits
-Thicker pelts (fur or skin) to deal with undergrowth
-Food gathering and underground food storage
-Hibernation in cold winters, extra fat gain during warm season
-Climbing/arboreal
Thank you! Fascinating hobbit thoughts. Also elves just…slouch at night.
A great (if comical and sometimes kinda disturbing) example of dwarves that have evolved to be suited to underground life can be found in the Artemis Fowl series by Eoin Colfer.
This shit used to hurt me so much. Now when I go shopping I don’t even touch shit unless I know I want it lol cus I know that pain
i’m that person you see folding something and putting it back after i’ve looked at it lol
^^^ And if I can’t fold it back perfectly they’re gonna at least see that I tried.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
All.of.this
Worked in retail almost half a decade, and let me tell y’all this is daily, not just Black Friday or summer sales.
I’ve had people look me straight in the eyes while they knock over a perfectly folded stack of shirts off a table so they could put down their Starbucks cup. People leave food, drinks, diapers, used pads and bandages, even one time an actual syringe on tables.
I’ve had people destroy entire displays and complain about how dirty and “why don’t employees respect their own store” while I was directly next to them frantically trying to fix what they, themselves, just messed up.
This shit is so ingrained in me now that I fixed displays while on vacation in Disney World for a full half hour.
And before anyone says anything, no, actually picking up after grown adults that should know better, it actually isn’t my job to clean up after you all day. We have customer service, check for product, work the registers, keep the bathrooms clean, deal with angry customers, try to prevent shop lifting, and keep the store running. Recovery (fixing displays) is supposed to be low on our list because people aren’t supposed to be selfish shitheads. If you wouldn’t destroy your friend’s house, don’t destroy retail shops.
I’ve literally had people ask me if I work at several stores before because I’m cleaning up after myself??? like they are asking me for help and I’m like “idk I don’t work here” then they are like “then why are you cleaning?”
It’s,,, basic manners,,, to clean after yourself,,, what is wrong with people,,,
And please, for god’s sake watch your kids. I’ve seen a kindergartener perusing an illustrated Kama Sutra while mom shopped for alphabet workbooks two aisles over. I’ve seen a boy go down the meat case in a grocery store, jamming his fingers through the plastic film on trays of raw steaks, pork chops, chicken breasts, and fish, no parent in sight. I was in the clothing store (though thankfully on the other side) where a running kid tripped and fell face first into a peg display. And I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen kids stand up in the grocery cart seat and then fall over the handle.
So someone asked me a million years ago to elaborate on what I’d do with a Wonder Woman TV show and I had an entire sub-section planned on “How do you solve a problem like Steve Trevor.”
This is definitely a better solution than anything I had considered.
In fact I’m even tempted to say we should do a whole run where he’s still her love interest despite this. Just, all of him, in aggregate, whichever one happens to be there. If one dies she freaks out and mourns and it’s like a South Park Kenny thing, she’s just back with the next one the next day. Her reaction to him never changes no matter who he is, like she doesn’t even notice he’s a person, he’s just a specific role in her story that could be filled by a sexy lamp if need be. See how uncomfortable we can make Grant Morrison.