airyairyquitecontrary:

world-cat:

vegan-vulcan:

starlight-lilith:

I really cannot get over this cats fucking face it’s so round and conveying an emotion that I simply am not equipped to understand

I WAS AT THIS MEETING, I MET THIS CAT. I forget his name but he was soooo sweet, I think it was Councilman Clark who brought him in! This was at the very first meeting in Denver to decide whether to ban declawing (the ban succeeded!)

Update: I emailed this post to councilman Clark, subject line “your kitty is famous”

Update 2: Councilman Clark responded, he thinks this is awesome and his cat’s name is Kit Kat

Thank you Kit Kat for protecting the cats of Denver!

I think the emotion on Kit Kat’s face is democratic engagement.

lordxeras:

boostergold78:

the-art-of-yoga:

I didn’t know Mr. T pityed fool’s that weren’t woke, but that’s awesome. #respect

“I think about my father being called ‘boy’, my uncle being called ‘boy’, my brother, coming back from Vietnam and being called ‘boy’. So I questioned myself: “What does a black man have to do before he’s given the respect as a man?” So when I was 18 years old, when I was old enough to fight and die for my country, old enough to drink, old enough to vote, I said I was old enough to be called a man. I self-ordained myself Mr. T so the first word out of everybody’s mouth is “Mr.” That’s a sign of respect that my father didn’t get, that my brother didn’t get, that my mother didn’t get.“

-Mr. T on the subject of his name

A Short List of Shenanigans My Parent’s Dog Has Engaged In:

nightwinggirl42:

hisnamewasbeanni:

her-pegship:

gallusrostromegalus:

afanofmanystuffs:

gallusrostromegalus:

the-muse-of-many-more:

snarkasaurus:

gallusrostromegalus:

symphonyofmars:

gallusrostromegalus:

gallusrostromegalus:

This is Arwen, she’s a Husky/Kelpie mix and a little Asshole:

  • “I wonder if she can jump?” my dad asks the first five minutes we have her.  She perks up at the word, and clears a six-foot fence form sitting on the ground.
    “Oh.”  Says dad. “Shit.”

    Later that night she got up on the counter and ate three pounds of corned beef in roughtly 68 seconds but this was considered part of the learning curve of having a new dog.

  • I wake up at 4 AM to the sound of the toilet being flushed repeatedly in the hall bathroom, and assume plumbing is now posessed by angry and wasteful ghosts.  
    I get up to disconnet it and find her in the Bathroom, standing to flush the bowl, then shoving her head in to drink the running water.   I’m not totally awake, so I stand there like an idiot trying to understand this, and my sister gets up to see what the noise is, sees the same thing and also stands there.  Fiance notices my absence and does the same.  
    Mom eventually wakes up and finds us standing around like very confused zombies and almost joins the parade of baffled zombies before shreiking “THE WATER BILL!”
    We got her a circulating water bowl after that.
  • My parent’s don’t have AC, but they haveone of those “fridge on top, pull-out-freezer below” fridges.  Last summer, we were remarking that we might need to shave her so she didn’t get heatstroke, to which she looked up and made a disgusted noise at us.
    …Then got up, used the dishrag to pull open the freezer and climbed on top of the frozen vegetables, stretching out and sighing contentedly.
     “Arwen,” Mom began, but was interrupted by a loud ‘WHAAAaaaaarrr?” from Arwen.
     “Ok you can stay there for now but we’re getting you a kiddie pool so you have to get out when we get back.  Don’t eat anything.”
    She ate a bag of frozen green beans and farted for three days straight.
  • Took her walking along the lake with the long lead so she could sniff things to her hearts content.  She went about shoving her head in the undergrowth, usually coming up with her head covered in leaves and pollen.

    Except for the bush where she came back out with a 7-foot Bull Snake wrapping itself around her ehad and neck, trying it’s best to strangle her before she can eat it.   She immediately ran back to me, the parts of her face not occupied with the snake arranged in a gleeful expression of “Look!  I found Snacks!”

    I screamed, not immediately regognizing that it wasn’t a rattler, and fell, splitting my knee on a rock.  The screaming made her let go of the snake, but I still had to grab her and wrestle the snake off her because it lacked the sense to just scuttle away.  I finaly got it lose from her (Despite her best effort to continue trying to eat it and turned around to fling it off the trail- 

    -And directly into the face of one of my 90-year-old neighbors who’d come out to see what the screaming and profanity was, making her collapse.

    I’m pretty sure being told “I accidentally threw a snake at my neighbor.” was the highlight of that EMT’s day.  Dottie was unharmed but she still doesn’t speak to me.

  • One day, we left her in a Harness and overhead tether in the (at the time) unfanced back yard so she could enjoy some relatively free-range outdoors time.  I walked by the window not a minute later to find her completely GONE, and race out to the yard to find her.  It took me a good heart-pounding five minutes to realize the overhead tether was goign UP into the ancient silver maple and realized that 
    1. Arwen can apparently do something really weird with her shoulders where they pop out sideways, allowing her to bear-hug the tree and 
    2. climb a good 40 feet into the three to fight
    3. A porcupine, which i didn’t even know LIVED out here.

    Fortunately, Porcupines weigh considerably less than Awen and she couldn’t get a good enough foothold to get all the way up to it, but I still had to climb up there and lower her down, barking dog profanities at the porcupine the whole way.

  • My parents recently acquired a mechanized recliner which has been instumental inmom’s hip surgery recovery.  Execpt that Awen Also likes lounging on the furniture, and is more than capable of hitting a large, elder-friendly button with her paw.  So now when she gets back from a walk or the dog park she makes a beeline for the living room, get in the recliner and pushes the button until it’s flat and stretches out in it. 

    My parents didn’t have a problem with this because she gets out of the chair when they ask her (Mom even tells her “Go get my chair ready” in winter because she does a good job pre-warming it), until last winter when Arwen taught my dog Charlie, another devoted couch animal how to do this.

    One afternoon there was a tremendous outburst fo barkign and snarling from the living room and we rished in to find both dogs in the recliner, Charlie on the fully-reclined back and Arwen on the elevated seat and foot rest, bellowing at eachother for control of the recliner, thier movments having pitched it back to it’s two hind feet, the device swaying to and fro like a leather covered boat upon the high seas, a furry mutiny on board.  Neither dog was willing to yeild the plush throne, nor to listen to the humans yelling at them to knock it the hell off, until Arwen tackled the usurper, kocking him off and managing to cantaleiver the recliner clean over, flipping it into the hall, both dogs and all humand miraculously unharmed.

    She still doesn’t let him sit in it.

I love her so much.

(If you got a laugh out of this, please consider donating to my Tip Jar or Paypal to get Arwen (and Charlie!) nice treats)

Evening reblog with an additional Shenanigan I just remembered:

One of the regulars at the dog park was an unfixed basset hound with an obnoxiously indifferent owner.  “Brad” shows up pretty much to smoke weed and let “Bojangles” harass the other dogs, in spite of regular complaints about Bo starting fights and trying to mount every dog, leg, and toddler in sight. 

One evening, Bo was particularly interested in Arwen, aggressively following her, nipping her heels and trying to mount her, even after her usual wolverine-like Snap’n’Snarl, which has tended to discourage unwanted suitors before.  Brad was Too Damn High to notice, as usual, but mom knew that if Arwen actually bit Bo, Arwen would be the one in trouble and was trying to call her when Bo made yet another attempt and Arwen finally had it.

Instead of rightfully tearing his face off, Arwen instead did what Mom described as “A Judo-style front-flip” that pulled Bo clean off the ground and threw him on his back, Arwen landing on her feet like a cat.  Bo’s stubby little legs didn’t allow him to right himself before Arwen  jumped on him, front paws slamming into his saggy basset balls, squatted over his face, and peed on him.

“ARWEN NO!!” howled my mother as nearly everyone else present laughed, but having made her point, Arwen daintily got off Bo, and trotted to the gate, ready to go home. Bo yelped but got up and skulked away, only moderately bruised, cowering under the bench by Brad, who finally noticed something might be amiss.

Mom remembers hearing “Dude, why is my dog all wet?” right as they were leaving.  Apparently nobody told him what happened, becuase Brad still brings Bo to the park, but Bo has much better manners now.

I read this whole thing to my mom and upon reading the end part she was like “OH MY GOD! Our dog Lady once flipped another dog and I didn’t know it was a thing dogs could do!!” 

So there’s that.

Update: Arwen was at the vet’s office for a check-up and daycare, and decided partway through the afternoon that the other two kelpies were annoying her, but she didn’t want to go inside to be kenneled for a nap, so she instead…

…ninja’d her way onto the vet’s roof despite there being three people in the yard watching the dogs and no clear way up there. She had a pleasant hour of watching the vet staff try to figure out how she did that and how they were going to get her down before mom came to pick her up.

“Arwen, get your furry butt down here!”

At which point Arwen obidently got down by jumping into a nearby tree that’s technically inside a neighboring house’s yard, shimmied down that like a bear, then walked out of their side yard and back around the block to come sit at Mom’s feet, putting her paws up like she expected a treat.

That tree is not accessible from the daycare yard. We still have no idea how she got up there.

Shine on you beautiful bitch.

This just gets better and better every time i see it

I…

I have fostered doggos for a good majority of my life and my brain simply cannot process half of the bullshit in this post…

What the actual fuck?

Arwen was trained as an Autism Service Dog by inmates as part of a prison rehab/service dog charity program.  So like, 90% of her Bullshittery comes down to:

1. She’s a mix of two extremely smart breeds
2. She’s a mix of two extremely energetic breeds
3. The inmates trained her to do lots of “Extracirriculars” like veritcal leaps, how to climb chain-link fence, agility courses, physical-comedy type tricks becuase they finished teaching her the regular Service Dog Cirriculum and wanted to keep working with her.  
4. Due to said Extrcirriculars, she doesn’t have any fear of heights, strangers, animals, or the nonsense of other dogs.

She does do the Professional Service Animal thing when we put her vest on, but then she’s working and has things to do like teaching social skills to people or being a living stress ball to someone having a bad time, so all that brains, energy and training can be put towards a productive end, but if she hasn’t got an active job, Shenanigans Ensue.

I love everything about this omg

Update:

She ate a four inch hole in the carpet because someone dropped a pork chop there. She’s completely fine, it all passed without so much as an upset stomach on her part.

-also ate the garden hose because we weren’t spraying her with it.

-conned one of the guys that installed the AC out of his sandwich by pretending to bark at something on the other side of the house, and doubling back when he came to investigate.

-is back on the therapy circuit helping kids in a summer school program get better at reading by having them read books to her. Her favorite student right now is a boy from Venezuela who is still learning English who gives her a big hug every morning. She doesn’t normally like hugs but she puts a paw on his back to hug him back.

CHAOTIC GOOD

Pure.

A VERY GOOD DOGGO

rikmach:

yay855:

rikmach:

yay855:

amy-draws:

outerspace-is-spooky:

scarlet-benoit-is-my-rolemodel:

Why is Poison Ivy always so hypersexualized she’s basically a magic farmer she should be wearing muddy boots and complaining about how corn subsidies are killing agriculture as well as flora biodiversity in the US

They want her to be a forest nymph instead of the stem field eco-terrorist feminist that she is

…I had to draw it.

It also fits because she’s a lesbian, and lesbians wear plaid jackets.

To be fair, the in-universe explanation is so she can attract rich men who devastate the environment to her so she can murder them.

…that would only work the first few times.

I think you’re underestimating the stupidity of horny men.

trainthief:

trainthief:

wish customer service jobs operated w video game standards, so a customer would come up to me and i’d say “greetings traveler! looking to trade?” and they’d only had 4 options for their response 

i’d just stand there wiping down the same part of the counter for 8 hours until my shift ended and then id drop everything and walk away and if you tried to interact with me i’d just keep running into you silently until you moved 

afusionoffandoms:

fangs-and-talons:

yo-its-matt:

awildpaige:

doctordisaster:

goofy-ruthie:

popculturebrain:

THX Just Shared the Original Sheet Music for its ‘Deep Note’ for the First Time

Look at this lad. Image: THX, Ltd.The Deep Note, the distinctive synthesized crescendo that is THX’s audio trademark, is one of the most iconic sounds in all of film. For the effects firm’s 35th anniversary, they’ve now shared the sheet music behind the sound.

thanks i hate it

how dare you i love it

I can hear this image and I’m crapping myself as is standard

Can you imagine a choir singing this and how chilling that would sound

But can you imagine how cool this would sound on an Orchestra of exclusively low strings and brass

You mean like…

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

infernoking:

sylveon-lover-crazyfangirl1415:

sympathetic-deceit-trash:

sinistercoffin:

writing-prompt-s:

You are the world’s most successful marriage counsellor. Each case ends with a 100% satisfactory rate for both sides. One day, a rather unusual couple enters your office. Through questioning you find out that the two people in front of you are in fact Zeus and Hera. And they won’t leave until you fix their mess.

“You two need a divorce.”

As usual, Zeus’ fury was a sight to behold. It took all her years of experience as a counselor, and willpower she didn’t realize she’d had, to keep her composure. The conditions of her services had been clear, they couldn’t harm her, but it was small comfort when Zeus is hurling lighting bolts around an indestructible room.

Hera, on the other hand, was also perfectly composed. Once Zeus’ rage had played out and he stood glaring at at the counselor from behind the couch, she spoke.

“We came to you to fix our marriage. To salvage it.” She explained. “A divorce…”

“I don’t fix marriages.” She countered. “Look closer at my testimonials. My help may have saved a few marriages, but what I do is help people fix toxic situations.”

“Olympus must have a king and queen!” Zeus insisted.

“And who made that rule?” She asked.

Zeus didn’t catch Hera’s faint smirk, but the counselor did. Of course she’d known what her would recommendation would be. She was here because Zeus needed to think it was his idea. He went quiet at the question, the almost shocked, dawning realization that he had control here.

“You did, naturally. You defeated the Titans, and claimed the right to rule. But Zeus, think on it, why did you do it? Who expected you to rule? Why did you need a queen and why did the queen need to be Hera? And if you’re really honest with yourself, do you even want to rule?”

She wondered if it was the first time Zeus had ever taken a moment for real introspection. Most likely it was. Hera was perfectly neutral in her expression, but the light in her eyes told the counselor more. The soft bell timer next to her chair went off.

“Well that’s all the time we have to today.” She said, closing her notebook. Zeus was still looking thoughtful. A stunned kind of thoughtful, but thoughtful nonetheless. “Talk to my secretary and he’ll schedule your next session.”

Zeus tried to argue, and Hera made a good show of it as well, but they had agreed to follow certain rules, and this was one of them. She did have other clients, after all. It had been Hera who agreed second, when Zeus had demanded she see reason.

And there were other sessions. Six months before they finally decided to divorce. The news shook the other pantheons. The news of Zeus’ abdication in favor of his brother Hades shook them more.  Stable, serious Hades, and his wife Persephone. It was better for the pantheon, and with Persephone in the mix, it wouldn’t be boring.

Zeus took to adventuring. Diving happily into his new, and old, roles as a god of the sky, thunder, storms, and lusty parties. Astronauts who venerated Zeus were almost sure to come home safe, and come home to the wildest parties.

Hera, relieved of the almost obligatory jealousy Zeus had once elicited from her, became more focused than ever on her role. Suddenly there were breakthroughs in pre and post-natal medicine. Marriages became more stable than ever.

Stable marriages mean poor business for a marriage counselor. She was glad her services were less necessary, but if things kept up like this, she would need a new career. The knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and she answered it. Her secretary had left months ago, finally marrying his husband and moving to the country as they’d been dreaming of. She hand’t bothered to hire a replacement.

Opening the door revealed, to her great shock, Hera. She looked different. The stony neutral expression was gone. She seemed softer. She had laugh lines. She was dressed causally, when the counselor had only ever seen her in business formal, with a shawl patterned in peacock feathers.

She wanted to talk. Partly to thank her, and partly to apologize for essentially driving the counselor out of business. They talked of other things, mostly trivial, laughing at the latest antics of Zeus and his fellow thunder god, Thor. Most of the world never saw these things, but her encounter with the gods had left the counselor’s eyes more open than before.

“There is another reason I wanted to talk to you.” Hera said finally, setting her teacup down. “There are other gods in need of a good counselor. Not just marriages but relationships that need help. You’ve seen the good that you can do with just one pair of clients.”

The possibility excited her. She could help the world in ways undreamed of. “That sounds incredible!” She exclaimed. “But…how would it work? We can’t have the gods parading in and out of the building on a daily basis….”

Hera smiled and took the counselor’s hand, looking into her eyes in a way that made the counselor shiver and blush. “Why don’t we discuss it over dinner?”  

GASP

Well written, Greek (and Norse) mythology,

and

GAY?!

A true masterpiece that everyone should read.

GAY?!?!?!?!

Omg read THIS

@thefingerfuckingfemalefury @brookietf SO GOOD!

YEEEEEEEEEE

haiku-robot:

yellowsuggestion:

bio-child:

I was soaked and freezing cold by the time we reached this alpine lake, but something about the sound and tranquility kept me completely unbothered.

This is the Exact Aura I try to convey in certain poetry

this is the exact

aura i try to convey

in certain poetry

^Haiku^bot^9. I detect haikus with 5-7-5 format. Sometimes I make mistakes.

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