bonehandledknife:

niqaeli:

valdrake:

piraterey:

lemme tell you i am so fucking tired of angsty vampires. its enough. 

give me a newly-turned twenty-something vampire who hears about their newfound immortality and is like “thank god,” then proceeds to invest in some promising startups and fucks off to take a nap for two decades

give me a vampire thats only the tiniest bit phased at the blood diet because “eh, i tried paleo a while back and it was just as weird”

give me a vampire with self image issues who never has to avoid mirrors again because – bingo – no reflection

give me a genderqueer vampire who finally has an answer when someone asks their gender. “are you a boy or a girl?” “i am a vampire.” “but whats in your pants?” “fangs.” 

best of all, give me a vampire chick who is so stoked about being nocturnal because she’s never been able to walk alone after dark before and it’s nice to be able to walk her friends home and know theyre all safe with her

THAT LAST ONE THO

These would all be great.

I should see if I can ever turn the WholeFoods!vampires into an actual story concept. I find them entertaining but have never found any kind of hook to hang them off of. (They’re the conceptual result of me being very bored with angsty vampires. They’re very careful about their diet – because your body is a temple and also because ethical food choices! – and make sure they only eat well-fed, healthy people who’ve lived solid lives and whose loss won’t devastate their families economically etc. So, like, a lot of 40-to-50-something white dudes, especially in the US. Not because they’re inherently tastiest, just: that’s US socioeconomics for you.)

omfg plz write this or link to your patreon