Things Overheard in Dorms

howtomusicmajor:

• “That’s the fourth time this week you’ve brought up cannibalizing me. Should I be worried?”
• “So needless to say, she peed on me.”
• “Wow, this Heineken has such a smooth finish!”
• “Do you think I can fit an entire orange in my mouth?”
• “If I hear someone sing Hamilton in the show again I’m joining them in their shower so I can drown them.”
• “Someone just gave me a free cake. Should I be worried?”
• “How did they manage to get that in BOTH shower stalls!?”
• “How much caffeine is poisonous? Asking for myself, I’m actually worried.”
• faintly, as though yelled from in a room down the hall “Can you come hand me my Swiss rolls? My head spins if I sit up.”
• “Well you see, Marxism is actually” *anguished yelling from multiple people*
• “Why is Ross sitting in a box in the hallway with a sweatervest draped over his head?” “Stress.”
• “What’s the difference between an undergraduate research assistant and a random nosy 19 year old? Less than you’d think!”
• “Let Bob Ross caress your happy little struggles away.”
• “He talks like he thinks the world is waiting with bated breath to hear what he thinks about Fight Club.”
• *screaming in harmony with a vacuum*