Prologue: Choir Auditions Today (Improvisational Jazz Not Welcome)
Introduction: Dear World, Meet Your New Bosses
1. Melkor Says Light Is For Squares
2.
Aulë Gets To Sleep On The Couch
3. The Elves Take A Road Trip
4. Getting Distracted By A Hot Girl Only Leads To Good Things
5. Paradise Is A Sort-Of Island In The Middle Of Nowhere
6. This Pardon Is Absolutely The Right Decision
7. The Best Way To Deal With Stress Is Infighting
8. Melkor Says Light Is For Squares (Again)
9. Fëanor Makes A Rash Decision
10. Teamwork And Magic Can Fix Anything
11. The Valar Say Light Is Awesome
12. Men Shall (Eventually) Inherit The Earth
13. Cliffhangers Suck
14. Everybody Gets A Kingdom
15. Banning A Language Will Totally Solve Your Problems
16. Orphan Does His Best To Fit In After Horrible Childhood
17. Men Show Up Fifteen Minutes Late With Starbucks
18. There Is Absolutely No Way It Can Get Worse
19. The Happiest People In This Book Have Fun Adventures
20. It Got Worse
21. You Won’t Believe How Awful This Guy’s Life Is
22. Aggressive Negotiations Make Everyone Hate You
23. When Ulmo Says Leave, You Leave
24. The Valar Get Dangerous
Interlude: Colonialism Is Caused By Devil Worship
Epilogue: By Now You Should Have Learned Not To Trust Jewelry
Now if anyone asks you to sum up the Salmon Riot, you can.
The Silmarillion (or ‘If You Try Hard And Believe In Yourself, Your Family Drama Can Destroy A Continent’)
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